


Little Blue

by martamatta



Category: Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 5
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Fluff and Humor, Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Redemption, Romance, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:20:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 33,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23069143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/martamatta/pseuds/martamatta
Summary: John didn't expect to be tied up and gagged by a junkie who took him by surprise."Rook" Tweak smiles “What a pleasure! What brings you here? "."John Seed" he answers directly "I saw him parachuting in this area, did you notice anything?"."Tweak ... what's going on?" Joshua asks frowning and then realizes "You saw it, right!? Where is he!? Where is he hiding?! "Serum was not supposed to have this effect.He smiles shyly playing with his nervous hands. "Sorry, who of you is my new dad?"The deputy faces a new test, God really has a fantastic sense of humor...Joshua will find himself in new situations where his pride will stop blinding him and open his eyes and his heart.
Relationships: Deputy | Judge/John Seed, Kim Rye/Nick Rye, Tracey Lader/Faith Seed
Comments: 8
Kudos: 47





	1. Little Blue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone,  
> here I am with a new story. I thought that like Cat Johnny it would have been rather short, maximum 5 chapters, instead it will much longer.  
> I will try to update once a week and as always I apologize for the mistakes in English, as it is not my native language.  
> I hope you enjoy the start and thank you for the kudos that I received formy latest story, I didn't expect them.  
> You can find me on tumblr as martamatta95  
> Happy reading and a big kiss to all of you.

John didn't expect things to end that way in church, he didn't expect to face two planes in battles against Deputy Rook and Nick who joined forces. His magnificent plane shot down and he was forced to parachute into the Handbane, ending up in the middle of a ghost town between the forests and the mountains. And, absolutely, John didn't expect to be tied up and gagged by a junkie who took him by surprise.  
The boy move shaky and John is almost tempted to ask him for a dose of whatever he has taken.  
"I read your older brother's book," he says fumbling with various chemicals that the Baptist cannot identify.  
“You had a shitty childhood! Not different from mine and look where it has taken us! ".  
The boy takes white petals, Bliss! What is this idiot doing !?  
He is carefully grinding them in a mortar and then boiling them in a small pot, while the boy continues to compare his abused childhood with that of John.  
The Baptist sighs from under the handkerchief stuck in his mouth wondering how long it would have taken the deputy to arrive to kill him.  
"I wanted to thank you and your brothers, because I was able to hone my chemistry skills regardless of the consequences, thanks to the angels of your little sister with extraordinary results".  
At the end he pulls some bright green liquid out of the pot, and then mix it with other elements methodically in an ampoule. He mix it very carefully and the liquid becomes an electric blue color.  
“I wanted to give you a gift, reading about your childhood I realized that you were not really a child. Wouldn't you like to feel that feeling? Go back mentally for a few moments before the worst memories happened to you? ”.  
John shakes his head, Fuck! Why did he have to find himself in this situation ?! He had been clean for years now and didn't want to disappoint Joseph and Jacob by returning to old habits.  
"I had a couple of ideas for a while, but then I saw you fall from heaven like an angel and I found the lighting."  
The boy takes a new syringe from a box and discards it, puts the needle in the ampoule and empties it to fill the syringe.  
"You will be fine ..." he whispers approaching excitedly.  
John struggles screaming, despite the gag in his mouth, but in the end the needle is in his neck and a tremendous burning flares up in his veins until the syringe is empty.  
His eyes water, the nausea is strong and his head explodes in pain. He leans forward trying not to vomit ...

Tweak looks immensely interested, but then Joshua 'Rook' Logan's voice calls him from outside the old house.  
"I'll be right back, Johnny," he says stepping out. Opens the door and finds Joshua a few meters away inspecting every inch of the ghost town.  
"Rook" Tweak smiles “What a pleasure! What brings you here? ".  
"John Seed" replies straight "I saw him parachuting in this area, did you notice anything?".  
Tweak bites his lip undecided whether to lie or not ... evaluating the pros and cons.  
"Tweak ... what's going on?" Joshua asks frowning and then realizes "You saw it, right!? Where is he!? Where is he hiding?! "  
"Take it easy!" the younger man stops him. "Look, he's tied tight, but let me explain."  
Tweak looks for the right words, but then an expression of pure wonder approaches the face of the deputy, the boy follows his gaze and his mouth opens wide.  
Serum was not supposed to have this effect.  
He wakes up completely stunned, blinks at the half-dark of the room. He is agitated by feeling the ropes around his thin wrists, but then the bonds easily fall to the ground, freeing him.  
He feels that the clothes he is wearing are too heavy and loose, he takes off his heavy jacket. A terrible itch on his left ear, almost frightened to find something round and metallic, detaches it upset and it rolls on the ground. Why did he wear an earring?  
Not only does he find that strange, as soon as he pulls off his pants they fall to the ground being too wide for his small and thin body, like boots. When he gets up from his chair, the nice blue shirt reaches his knees, looking more like a dressing gown.  
John has no idea where he is, he remembers that he separated from Joseph, that his new parents would come to get him. If he had fallen asleep? The dirty and broken building doesn't look like an orphanage.  
Cautiously John walks towards the sound of two voices that are arguing and pushes the door ajar, observes two rather young men.  
He goes outside and looks shyly at the men who stare at him with pure wonder. John remembers the promise he had made to Joseph: he would have been good to his new family.  
He smiles shyly playing with his nervous hands. "Sorry, who of you is my new dad?".


	2. The start of trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What to do now...? Let's go to Earl!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, just a little note for the future:  
> if in your eyes John should have behaviors that are not suitable for a six year old, don't worry, there will be an explanation that will be given later in the story.  
> Enjoy the reading.

John is sitting in the corner eating a cereal bar that the kind blond man has given him. The blond man would have a beautiful face if it were not for two long and thick parallel scars that start from the chin and then stop in the middle of the cheeks, but John likes those scars, they make the blond man seem more ferocious. He also has incredible green eyes like petroleum, the child is sure he has never seen a shade of green like that.  
The two adults are arguing fiercely.  
"What did you do?! How!?".  
"I don't know, friend, I swear! I was just thinking about letting him relax a bit I didn't think it would happen ... this! ".  
"Or for heaven's sake!"  
"I used the Bliss to ...".  
"What!? Did you use the Bliss !? Fuck! Do you know how unpredictable that stuff can be !? ”.  
"I thought he was just a super hallucinogen."  
"Do you realize that the only people who know how that stuff really works are Faith and, maybe, Joseph?!"

John straightens his back slightly at the sound of the name, but then shrugs. They are making adult speech so it can't be his Joe, after all Joseph is a pretty common name.

"We can ask them."  
"Are you crazy?! And what shall we tell him ?! 'Hey dad, you know your little brother? You know, the sadistic bastard who is over thirty ..? Well! He is now a child of five, best regards and good luck finding the cure!'".  
"If you say it with that tone ... don't you really want to tell him anything?"  
“Do you think they'll believe me, Tweak? Come on! This is magic and, probably, dad and mama bear would tear me to pieces thinking about a stupid joke. They will think that I killed their little brother and I am inventing a similar shit to fuck them. "  
The blond man takes a deep breath running his hands over his face trying to calm down.  
"I'm sorry ..." John's sweet voice reaches them, the boy fiddles with his fingers "I'm sorry if I'm creating problems".  
Looking at those huge blue eyes, Joshua's heart fills with tenderness. "Believe me, it's not your fault," he says and then stares sternly at Tweak.  
The other man hurries to scribble on a piece of paper avoiding the deputy's gaze.  
Joshua kneels in front of John, so that their faces are close and so that the boy does not feel intimidated by him  
"Hi" the blonde smiles at him.  
"Hi" John greets him shyly "Are you my new dad?".  
Joshua bites his tongue "Let's say I'm more your guardian".  
The boy frowns, but then nods, "I'm John and I'm six, not five."  
This answer makes Joshua smile and gently shakes his hand “I'm Joshua Logan, but they call me Rook. I am thirty two years old and not twenty eight. "  
"Why do they call you Rook?"  
"An ironic school nickname, as a child I was much thinner and smaller than you, so they gave me that nickname to make fun of me."  
John observes him well: Joshua has a thin physique, but with broad shoulders and trained muscles and an average height, all in all he was anything but frail.  
"And the name is left?".  
"Yes, because growing up I trained a lot during my adolescence doing a lot of swimming and archery, my companions saw my determination and the name took on another meaning".  
"You look like a tough guy," John's blue eyes shine, melting Joshua's heart, "Like my brother Jake."  
The boy grabs his hands "You know, he protected me and Joe from the bad ogre".  
"Bad ogre?" Joshua raises an eyebrow.  
"Our father," says John. "He was not a good man, he ...", the mouth of little Seed closes as if he had said something forbidden and now feared the consequences of his actions. Joshua notes that there are no tattoos and scars on those arms or chest, John's body has gone back both in the skin and in the mind.  
Joshua embraces the boy by carrying him against his chest, stroking his head and back.  
"Don't worry, Little Blue" the deputy softly whispers "I won't let them hurt you".

Tweak pulls out clothes suitable for John from old, but well-preserved boxes.  
"Give these notes to Dr. Lindsay when you get to prison," Tweak says, handing Joshua papers.  
The deputy puts it in the sports bag with all the clothes of the adult John, Tweak observes him with an eyebrow raised as the blonde sniffs the Baptist's jacket with a strange expression.  
"Oh my friend, I can't believe it!".  
Joshua gasps, bending the dark blue jacket in a rush and then putting it in the "I don't know what you're talking about" bag.  
"Friend" Tweak raises his defensive hands "I don't judge, that is, I'm not sure I'm of that kind, but Johhny is undoubtedly a attractive boy ... that is, don't think about how he is now or would you look like a pedophile"  
Tweak's mouth is capped by Joshua's hand, who looks at him with a mixture of reproach and embarrassment.  
"I'm ready" John's shy voice reaches their ears.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Joshua asks him, while the jeep cautiously follows the secondary streets protected by the first light of the evening.  
John stares fascinated at the panoramas of Montana highlighted by the sunset "I was at the orphanage and I had just said goodbye to my brother Joe, I had to meet my new parents".  
Joshua nods thoughtfully, apparently his mind has returned to before the Duncans had brought him all that abuses and trauma.  
"Oh!" John exclaims "Do you know how my brothers are doing?"  
Joshua bites his lip "I don't know, Little Blue" he simply replies, not that he's lying "I'm sorry".  
John nods looking at him with big eyes and trying not to show his disappointment.

“Can you explain to me where we are? If you are my guardian, would you be a kind of legal guardian? ".  
"Yes, I would say yes" Joshua smiles at him, he has always considered John an intelligent type, perhaps a little too theatrical and childish, but still smart.  
The blonde explains that they had come here to find a house in Hope County, but they found themselves in the middle of a religious war.  
What amazes Joshua is how John fell asleep on him as if he were a pillow.

"Are you kidding me!?" exclaims the sheriff staring at the boy in the arms of the young deputy.  
"Ssshh" I scold Joshua "Don't wake him up".  
"Do you realize how absurd it is?" Whitehorse asks, moderating his voice and pointing to a free cot.  
"Do you think I don't know?" the blonde replies, gently placing John on the mattress.  
"What are you trying to achieve by bringing it here?"  
"Keep him safe and understand what happened to him."  
Joshua takes off the boy's shoes and covers him with a sheet.  
“You will know that it is better that nobody knows who he is, apart from you, me and Hanry. Even if a child, some hot head may want his skin. "  
"Absolutely agree."  
“When will he become an adult and, if he ever returns, what are you going to do? Will you induce him to betray his family? ”.  
"We are not like them ...".  
"My question doesn't change."  
"First we'll have to make him adult again, then we'll see."  
Joshua is stroking his hair by sitting on the edge of the bed, completely frightened and undecided by the future.


	3. Dreams that are memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John seems to fit in well in the prison

Two weeks have passed and John likes prison, they are all kind and loving to him, they fondly caress his head and give him candy. Joshua told him that not many children have been around since the religious war started.  
Joshua is fantastic, he has every opportunity he tries to make John laugh and his dog, Boomer, is no different. John never had a dog, but if he wanted one he would only want Boomer.  
Sometimes Joshua takes him to the prison doctor, he believes his name is Henry or Harry, the doctor takes his blood telling him that it is to check his health and asks him questions about how he feels. John doesn't understand the purpose of those questions and, aside from the nostalgia of his brothers, John likes to be here. They are all kind and very few people have been kind to him in the past...  
Joshua isn't always with him, he has to go out on some task or something, and on those occasions John stays with the sheriff or Tracey.  
At first John was afraid of the sheriff, he seemed so severe and suspicious of him, but then he softened. He explained a lot about Hope County and how it was before, it looked magnificent and John never stopped filling him with questions.  
And then there was Tracey, John likes it, he likes his music and has become her friend in no time. Tracey seems to be sad many times, and eventually confided that a friend of hers has moved away from her and this makes her sad. Tracey showed him a photo of a few years ago featuring two young women with a happy and united look. Tracey's friend has dark brown hair and eyes like those of a deer, large and brown, she is quite beautiful. She is called Rachel.  
John is very sorry for what happened to his friend and grabs Tracey's hand trying to comfort her "I too miss my brothers...".  
"I guess, Little Blue, separating a family is a terrible thing, government methods are a lot of bullshit! You are not the first to hear such a story".  
"You're tough!" John smiles "Such as Jake!".  
"You have two brothers, right?"  
"Yes, Jake is the largest is 15 years old and Joe is 12 years. I'm the youngest..."  
"The chick of the family" the woman rubs his head affectionately.  
"Maybe if I had never been born, Joe and Jake wouldn't have been separated," says John sadly.  
Tracey's eyes widen from the shock "How can you say so?".  
"My real dad said I was a mistake, another mouth to feed and another likely chaos."  
"Fuck!" Tracey exclaims hugging John to console him. "Listen, you are not a mistake and always remember that just because it was your father who told you this does not mean that he is right. And, don't be offended, but from what you tell me your father seems like a real piece of shit and I'm happy that they took you away from him ".  
John nods, returning the hug and trying to hold back the tears, Tracey kisses him on the head. “I know you feel alone, but I am here and we are friends. Then there's Rook, you like Joshua, don't you? ”.  
John nods with a small smile "He told me he will protect me from all harm."  
"You can count on this, Rook is a really tough guy!"  
The boy nods in agreement.  
"Come" Tracey takes him by the hand "You're not too young to know good old Rock music".

It is almost late at night and Joshua is on the prison walls, reflecting scratching his short nervous beard.  
Everyone loves little John, he is a sweet child who loves to draw and is also quite intelligent. Whitehorse was the most wary at first and, in the end, was the first to become attached to Little Blue.  
Dr. Lindsay works hard, but so far there is nothing he can do, according to blood tests there is a 50% chance that John will stay at this age, 35% that he will die or become an angel and the rest 15% that you return to normal.  
Joshua loves that child, he would do anything to protect him, but a part of him would like to have the Baptist at his side... he would like to talk to him civilly... he would like...  
Rook bites his lip shaking his head and slamming it on the concrete and metal railing. He would never admit to anyone who falls asleep with John's jacket tight in his arms inhaling the scent.  
The Seeds think that the Baptist is dead and Joshua, if he doesn't find a solution soon, will be forced to turn to them. Perhaps he can only approach Faith by asking her not to say anything to Jacob and Joseph, but he doubts that he will.  
"Josh..." a small voice distracts him from his thoughts.  
John is a few steps away from him rubbing his hands nervously.  
"Hey, Little Blue" Rook smiles at him, with a nod indicates to him to approach "Can't you sleep?".  
John shakes his head "I had a bad dream and I wanted to know where you ended up."  
Joshua smiles at him and takes him in his arms by placing him on the large concrete ledge.  
"You were unable to fall asleep again," said the deputy.  
John nods “I dreamed that I was surrounded by water in a river. It was evening, but I was not cold even though I had water up to my knees, there were people dressed in red and white on the shore "the child tells him clasping his hands in his nervous shirt.  
Joshua frowns fearing where he wants to go.  
“There were you underwater and I tried to grab you out of the river, you were drowning. Only it wasn't me, it wasn't the hands of a child who took you, they were those of an adult and full of ink ... ".  
Joshua turns his back on him, noting that he is shaking, a sob escapes from John's lips.  
"I ... I pulled you out, that is, the man I was looking at pulled you out, you had eyes with large pupils and a bright green. You didn't seem to be in you and then ... ".  
The boy swallows hard, full of shame "Instead of letting you get out of the river, I put your hands around your neck and plunged you into the water with violence ...".  
John grits his teeth and heavy tears fall from his face. "Sorry ... I don't ...".  
Joshua crushes him in a loving embrace "Sshh... Little Blue is calm. It was just a nightmare".  
Rook hides his worries, did John have a flashback of one of his adult memories mistaking it for a dream, which could mean something? Joshua only knows that that child has nothing to do with what happened for to become the Baptist. He has read Joseph's book and prays to God that the Duncans burn in hell.  
John clings to him and slowly calms down "Can't you sleep too?" Asks the child as he rubs his face on his chest like a cat, he has never felt safer than with Joshua in his whole life.  
"No, lately I haven't been able to sleep easily."  
"Why do you think of someone?”.  
Joshua looks at him in surprise "What makes you believe it?".  
"Don't get angry" loosens John's hug looking guilty "I've seen you take that strange coat several times and use it as a pillow".  
Joshua frowns as the boy continues his explanation. "Look at that coat as Tracey looks at the photograph of her and Rachel when you think you're alone."  
The deputy sighs "It's complicated."  
"Do you want to talk about it?"  
Rook shakes his head "Let's say we had an conflicting relationship, me and the man to whom that coat belongs, now he's gone for a while and I realized that I miss him".  
"Why can't you go find him and tell him you miss him?"  
Joshua smiles affectionately "It's complicated ..." he caresses John's head and then get him off the ledge "Come on, let's try to sleep together".  
And that night they end up in the cell reserved for the blonde, John clinging to him and Joshua embracing him fearful of losing him.


	4. Memories that they are dreams and fears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joshua's fears are manifested

Joshua dreams of running through a forest full of fog, he hears little John cry and scream his name.  
"John ...?" call without getting a clear answer.  
Joshua runs through the forest looking for the baby following his cry.  
"John ... JOHN! JOHN! " he screams ever more anxious.  
Find the boy on the river bank, he is standing with his head lowered and still sobbing.  
"Hey, Little Blue" Rook puts a hand on his shoulder "I'm here."  
The child turns slowly and a sad face is replaced with a sadistic smile. Joshua's eyes widen in surprise, but then excruciating pain breaks out of his chest, a screwdriver is stuck near his heart.  
The boy is gone and the Baptist stares at him with disgust "What do you hope to achieve?".  
John's hands tear off his shirt and reveal his mark.  
“Are you a hero? Are you a lost lamb? " John whispers pulling the screwdriver away from his flesh with great violence.  
"John..." Joshua staggers with a heart that hurts more than his chest wound.  
The Baptist drags him towards the water “You are having fun, aren't you?! What do you hope to get from a useless and whining boy?! ".  
The screwdriver is planted in the stomach "You are hypocrite!" John speaks angrily and disgusted "You would kill the man who hurt you, but not his younger self! What is a game?! Are you so proud?! "  
Tears fall from Joshua's face, who clasps his hands in John's shirt, he cannot speak because he finds everything he is saying right.  
"Or are you a coward?! You killed a lot of people and, now, for a stupid brat you can't pull the trigger! ".  
The screwdriver sinks so deep into his flesh that when John lets go of it, he doesn't fall to the ground.  
Tattooed hands go to Joshua's throat "You're disgusting!" he speaks angrily.  
Joshua's eyes widen in pure shock, as John's voice overlaps with that of his father.  
“Bring destruction wherever you go! You are a disgusting being with abominable inclinations! "  
John is no longer strangling him, but his father stares at him with pure hatred, "The mere fact that you breathe is a disgrace to your mother's memory!"  
Joshua can feel the scars on his face opens and warm blood dripping.  
“Those marks on your face let everyone know how despicable you are! You don't deserve to exist! You are damned! ".  
He pushes his head underwater and before everything turns black, Joshua remembers the last look his father gave him was of pure hatred and repulsion.

Joshua wakes up with a start, holding his chest with his right hand, breathing heavily and slowly calms down as he sees the prison ceilings and, to use his left hand as a pillow, a small John deeply asleep.  
Rook smiles melancholy, gently caressing his face and thinking bitterly about his dream, what makes his nose turn up is the fact that all his fears and thoughts are contained in that dream.  
Gently squeezes that child to his chest holding back tears and wondering what really where all this will take him.  
The next morning he finds John with the sheriff in the control room looking at the county map.  
"This is Fall's End," says Earl Whitehorse pointing to the small town on the map.  
John looks with wide eyes observing above all on the lake.  
"I never went fishing...".  
"Joshua could bring you one of these days."  
"But isn't it dangerous?"  
"There are safe areas nearby, it will do you good to get out of this old prison a little."  
The boy nods "It would be fantastic."  
"Sheriff..." the boy calls shyly.  
"Yes, Johnny?"  
"Why is there this war?".  
Whitehorse open up his mouth taken aback by this question.  
"Because some big idioti believe that the end of the world is coming" Tracey's voice appears in the room.  
The sheriff does not have time to stop her that the young woman enters like a hurricane “Eden's Gate is a big bad business! If you happen to see a guys with an eight-pointed cross on him, run away as fast as you can. "  
"Tracey ..." the sheriff tries to stop her.  
"No, Earl! I know he's a kid, but nothing is certain and those bastards are strong! " continues the young woman.  
Tracey approaches John “A madman suffering from psychosis thinks that the end of the world is coming and that God has chosen it to save as many people as possible from the end. The most serious thing is that there are people who followed him in his madness and in the end they put on a cult, carrying out criminal and violent acts. And when the sheriff and his deputies finally came to arrest that asshole of their leader, war broke out! ".  
Whitehorse jumps to his feet"Enough Tracey!"  
The young woman looks at the sheriff with a raised eyebrow, does not understand what the problem is.  
"I heard one of the men on the walls," John's voice says thoughtfully. "They kidnap people and rob them."  
"Yes," Tracey nods. "They are bad people who believe they have the support of God and do not understand a shit about the love they preach if they do these things."  
"But if they misbehave and kill or kidnap, perhaps they haven't misunderstood the teachings of the Bible?".  
"I see you know something ..." notes Whitehorse, momentarily stops his run for plugging Tracey's mouth, curious to see if a part of the Baptist could hear them.  
John shrugs "Joe read me some verses, when we were still together, he marked a lot the themes on family and love".  
"I knew you're awake!" Tracey smiles satisfied.  
"Will those people hurt us?" John asks nervously.  
The young woman pats him affectionately on the head "don't worry, there are many people who oppose them and Rook has already dropped one of the heralds of that fucking prophet."  
John is with his mouth half open and then raises a doubtful eyebrow.  
Whitehorse stiffens, it is the same expression that the Baptist had when he was deeply thoughtful. How many times does the sheriff forget who this child really is.  
"But ..." John reflects in confusion. "If the Resistance kills and hurts them, how can we say we are better than them? Do we not lower ourselves to their level? ”.  
The two adults exchange a surprised and thoughtful look.  
"Sometimes violence is the only way," says Tracey.  
"Then we are not better than them," concludes the boy with pure honesty.  
Tracey close and open her mouth several times, then shakes her head.  
"Anyway don't worry, here you are safe and that asshole of Joseph Se-".  
With a leap Whitehorse closes the young woman's mouth and pushe her out of the room.  
"Sorry, but I have to talk to you about something important," the sheriff tells her as he exits, while Tracey protests confused by her actions.  
"Let's go back Johnny right away, just keep looking at the map."  
The boy nods and greets them with his hand.  
"Fuck Earl!" Tracey yells when he uncorks her mouth.  
"Shut up and come with me. It's really important, ”he says sternly.  
"Hey guys" Joshua greets them "I was just coming to you, by chance John is with...".  
The sheriff grabs Rook by the arm by dragging the two young men into the prison showers that are deserted.  
"What's going on, Sheriff?" Joshua asks, while Tracey looks around nervously.  
"You gotta tell him," Earl replies seriously.  
"Tell me what?" asks the woman with a raised eyebrow.  
"Thing...? Why...?".  
“Because after you and me, Johnny spends more time with her. They have grown fond of each other and it is a matter of time before the name Seed escapes from someone's lips. And about five minutes ago he was running from Tracey's mouth in front of him, "Whitehorse explains simple and concise.  
"I ... I ..." Joshua reflects undecided.  
"What the fuck are you talking about?!" Tracey angrily speaks finding the irritating secrets.  
Eventually Joshua takes a deep breath and nods "Tracey, I... I didn't kill John Seed."  
The woman frowns and then opens her eyes "WHAT?!".  
Joshua and Earl stop her by waving her not to scream.  
"See, I shot down his plane with Nick's help," Rook explains quickly. "And he landed in the Tweak field that captured him. When I went to him to ask him if he had seen him parachuting in his part. Tweak had drugged him with something... I found him as I didn't expect... ".  
Tracey bites her lip "Where the fuck is she ?!".  
Whitehorse sighs, speaks calmly and fatherly "You've spent most of the time with him in the past two weeks."  
Tracey's face is full of confusion, but then her eyes widen with a mixture of terror and wonder "Tell me it's a joke".  
"No" answered honestly Rook "The only people who know the true identity of our Little Blue are the three of us, Tweak and Doctor Lindsay who is trying to understand what happened to him".  
The two men thought Tracey would scream, blaspheme or smash something, instead leaning against the cold, musty wall behind her. He sighs, bringing his hands to his eyes trying to hold back the tears. Apparently Tracey, like Whitehorse and Rook, loves their baby.


	5. Help me, Faith!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joshua is forced to ask for help...

As promised, Joshua takes John to fish.  
Since the previous day, Trecey has closed in herself trying to understand how she should behave with John, what feelings she should have. Joshua gave him a copy of the white book to help her better understand the Seed stories and decide what to do only after reading it.  
In order not to let John notice the Tracey crisis, Joshua took him out to fish near the prison, in an area not contaminated by Bliss.  
There is also another reason for this decision and Joshua hopes nothing bad will happen.  
They stop on the banks of the river and John runs around Joshua with Boomer to chase him, they had both been locked up there for a long time and it was a dream to be able to go running.  
"It's beautiful here!" John shrieks excitedly, then slides onto a rock ending up on the ground followed by Boomer.  
"John! Are you OK?" Rook runs towards him worried, but then he is surprised to hear him laugh like a madman.  
"I'm really distracted!" she smiles with blue eyes that shine in the sunlight.  
Joshua in turn slides to the side of the boy "So we're a nice couple!".  
After about five minutes spent laughing, they stop in a pleasant silence staring at the clear sky.  
"Do you know thing?".  
"What?".  
"I love you," John whispers softly, hugging Joshua and making his eyes widen in surprise.  
Slowly Joshua reciprocates the embrace trying with all of himself not to cry ... what the fuck!? Why is it so emotional lately!  
"I feel safe when I am with you" confesses the boy, but the tone used is different from the usual, it is deeper and more certain, as if a small fragment of the Baptist had emerged. And, for maybe the millionth time in those two weeks, Joshua wonders what John would be like if he had the love he deserved. What would the Seed look like if they had what those frightened kids deserved... an opportunity for a decent family and some love...  
Joshua does not know how long they remain embraced, but it is the sound of a female voice that interrupts them.  
A sweet song reaches their ears and Faith Seed emerges in the trees. Joshua beckons Boomer not to attack, the dog obeys by staying in his place.  
"Wow" stares surprised John "Are you an angel?" he asks getting up from the fresh grass.  
Faith smiles "Honestly, when you left that message on the radio, I didn't think I'd find you with a child".  
Joshua gets up in turn showing the woman to be unarmed as I promised her "You, instead? You are alone? Or is Jacob about to tear me to pieces with his wolves at any moment? "  
Faith laughs “Fortunately for you Jacob has bigger cats to peel and Joseph is praying in his church with a self-imposed fast. I also kept my word, they don't know that we are meeting. "  
Joshua approaches her slowly, with John clinging to his shirt with a shy face, the boy stares at Faith with frowning eyebrows.  
"Hi, baby" the young woman smiles at him "I wonder why the young deputy brought you".  
"Rachel!" John shouts excitedly "She's Tracey's friend, that of photography!"  
Sounds like great news if Joshua knows what Little Blue is talking about and John senses his confusion.  
"The reason why Tracey is always grumpy or angry is because she is actually sad," explains the boy and then approaches Faith. "She misses you so much and when she has that nostalgic and sad look, the same that Joshua when he tightens his coat with aeri, I understand that she thinks about you and how much she misses you".  
Faith blinks recovering from the surprise "Thanks for telling me..." she tells him and not really know what to answer, She find the blue eyes of the child rather familiar.  
Joshua strokes John on the head "Why don't you go check the line and play with Boomer? While I talk to this 'friend'...".  
The boy nods, waving goodbye to Faith and running to the riverbank followed by Boomer.  
"Your message intrigued me, to say the least."  
"I guess" Joshua replies suspiciously "And I bet he has a few meters from us there are about twenty Angels waiting for your whistle."  
Faith laughs confirming her suspicions "You can't blame me for being cautious, after all...".  
"The Baptist is alive," Joshua hastens to say.  
The young woman's mouth contracts. "You must be very careful what you say now, Joshua 'Rook' Logan, or the anger of the Father will come upon you."  
"Then it's better if you sit down...".

John is throwing small stones into the river in conversation with Boomer, while Faith and Joshua are sitting on the shore with their legs in their chest and their eyes lost.  
Eventually Faith's eyes land on the child and bites his lip. "The thing that amazes me" speaks the young woman "It's that you're taking great care of it."  
Joshua nods, taking some papers from his bag and a vial of blood, passes them to the young woman.  
"These are John's analyzes and a vial of his blood, there are also the notes of Tweak and the dottor Lindsay on what they have done or discovered."  
Faith takes it all with trembling fingers, still in shock for the whole story.  
"Do you know what happened to him?"  
The young woman laughs nervously "Honestly? I have no idea and I'm beginning to think that this is the will of God. "  
"Oh God...".  
“Really Rook? Come on, what could cause John to rejuvenate 26 years by removing scars and memories? ”.  
"And what good memories...".  
"The fact of saying it to me and then communicating it to your family is out of the question, is it?"  
"Absolutely".  
"Why do you want to keep it away from Eden's Gate?"  
“Do you really want me to answer this question? John has spent 26 years surrounded by religious fools who have abused him and we both know that the Baptist believes in what Joseph believes, like Jacob, so as not to lose his family. To satisfy every expectation, to always give the best, for a desperate need for acceptance and for a twisted search for love ".  
"You have no right to choose for him."  
"That's the point, Faith! He never really had a choice, he never had what he deserved and now... look at him".  
Faith does it: she watches the boy run from one side of the shore to the other trying to catch Boomer without ceasing to smile. Knowing John's story, he doesn't think he ever had the chance to do such a simple and trivial thing.  
"Why do you care so much?" he asks eventually.  
"You do not know...?" Joshua sighs.  
Faith sighs and puts her hand on his "I think I understand what you're going through too well."  
Rook shakes his hand gratefully for his understanding and finding it surprising to be so in tune with her.  
"I will do my research and update you on frequency 37, it is one that usually does not use anyone”.  
Joshua nods gratefully.  
"It is out of the question to warn Jospeh or Jacob, right?"  
"What do you think they'll do? Always if they believed what you will tell them. "  
Faith nods sympathetically "They would take him anyway."  
They both stand up and are reached by an excited John who brings with him a beautiful white and pink flower. To Joshua's relief it is not a Bliss flower and the child hands it to Faith.  
"For you..." says Little Blue shyly.  
The young woman smiles understanding why Rook wants not to let him go, she wants to preserve that innocence.  
Faith takes the flower smiling "Thanks, Johnny".  
"He's as beautiful as you" says John shyly hiding his face at Joshua's side and embracing him tenderly.  
"Thanks Rachel" Joshua tells her sincerely.

Joshua dreams of walking on the shore of the Handbane, that night, and it is a beautiful night. At times the surface of the river seems to him the Kansas cornfields swaying in the wind, as now the surface of the water rippling gently following the current.  
A sweet voice plays in the background, it seems that of Faith, but he doesn't see it anywhere, his song seems more like a melody that accompanies him on this walk.  
Further on, following the river, a figure is immersed to the waist, he is not Faith, but a man. He hums softly along with the Siren's melody and runs his wet hands over all the bare skin.  
Joshua stares at him hypnotized, without realizing that he is approaching him. He watch the twitching back muscles, old scars on the skin like a mosaic, short and dark hair from which the water drips on the skin.  
Only when his feet are wet that Joshua notices how close he has come, the stranger turns slowly and Rook is not surprised to see John Seed looking at him in amazement and then gives a broad smile.  
"Do you like what you see, vice?"  
Joshua's cheeks turn red and he turns quickly after seeing the Baptist's bare chest.  
"S-s-s... Sorry..." stammered mortified.  
A rapid movement of the water and John's arms envelop him and, only then, does Joshua realize that he is naked. How did he not notice it before?!  
John drags him into the water, turning his face towards him.  
"It's a dream, isn't it?" Joshua stupidly asks.  
"Then it's a beautiful dream..." John answers seductively.  
"You are not really here and you would not behave like this ...".  
The Baptist shrugs, stroking the face of the deputy. "For one night, wouldn't you want to dream of something different? The only thing you are sure you want. "  
"I haven't known what I want for some time now..."  
John's lips rest on hers: he is hungry and possessive, at the same time, sweet and gentle.  
When they separate from each other Joshua is completely shocked and the Baptist begins to kiss his shoulders and neck.  
"How..." Rook finally speaks "How can I get you back?".  
John laughs without letting go of him and his hands touch his ass "If it's a dream, I don't think I have that answer" he whispers nibbling the blond's chin.  
Joshua sighs to grab John's hips, wants to let go, for how long he wanted him... but it's not real...  
Rook's hands slide higher and he squeezes the Baptist's body in a strong embrace, begs God not to wake up early.

Joshua wakes up with wet eyes and immediately regrets not having turned his dream into an erotic one.  
Stupid! You have the opportunity to fuck a guy, no! The boy of your dreams and transform the scene from erotic to pathetic. Bravo, Logan! You are great! Compliments!  
He reproaches himself for acid and then gets out of bed realizing that it is early in the morning.  
Wander through the prison still asleep, he finds John on the bed asleep on Tracey and Boomer.  
Apparently Tracey had made a decision. A decision that, perhaps, will make she see the Seed in a different way.  
What a mess... What should he do? Joshua should return to Holland Valley to see how things are going in Fall's End and check that Hudson is okay. After John's fall, the Resistance attacked the Bunker, but Joshua asked them not to destroy it, not knowing the reason well.  
He had to come back, but he couldn't leave John here and, at the same time, he couldn't bring him to Fall's End.   
Maybe he has an idea...


	6. I can understand them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joshua confesses what he thinks of the Seed.  
> Faith has no good news...

John stares at the baby girl with huge eyes: she is beautiful and sleeps peacefully. He wonders if his brothers felt the same feeling of protection and affection when he was born.  
Meanwhile Kim and Joshua are in the lounge talking.  
"Where did you find it?" Kim asks looking affectionately at John who looks like a dog guarding her baby.  
"It's complicated ..." she bites her lip, doesn't think it's better to tell the truth about Little Blue, at least not now.  
"I am very sorry to ask you, I know you are dealing with Carmina and the rest ..." Joshua speaks shyly "John is a calm and very sweet child, he will help you in all chores and ...".  
"Josh ..." Kim softly calls him putting a hand on his shoulder "He can stay here as long as you want, it's not a problem."  
"Just the time to go to Fall's End and see how they are doing, I'll be here by tonight."  
Kim laughs, not understanding his friend's agitation, "Don't worry, she'll be fine until you come back, and then Nick needed an assistant."  
"Thanks Kim" he embraces her affectionately "Could you not name Eden or the psycho family?".  
The woman nods "I guess she had something to do with them."  
Joshua is opening his mouth to respond, as the familiar sound of an airplane attracts everyone's attention. John rushes out curiously and remains completely open-mouthed as he stares at the yellow airplane landing on the runway.  
"Wow" he exclaims staring at the propeller that turns slower and slower... his heart beats very fast and an unknown nostalgia presses on his chest.  
Joshua's warm hand rests on his head and brings him back to reality, together they approach the man who is getting out of the cockpit.  
"Nick!".  
"Hey Rook!" the man raises his sunglasses on head and his smile widens as he looks at the child.  
"Is he your new assistant?" asks the curious pilot.  
"In a certain way, yes. Johnny, he's my friend Nick. Nick, this is Little Blue's my assistant, but you can also call him Johnny. "  
"Hi..." greets the child shyly.  
Nick smiles "Do you like airplanes?".  
"It's the first time I've seen one up close."  
The pilot's expression becomes bewildered, almost offended, "This is unacceptable!". Gently grab John by the hand. "Come let you know old Carmina".  
"Carmina... like the little girl?"  
"Yes, it's a family name."  
"It's a beautiful plane!" John smiles and then he is the one who drags Nick towards the aircraft.  
Joshua smiles serenely "I'll leave he to you for a couple of hours!" yells at the couple, but is completely ignored.  
John and Nick talk cheerfully and Rook sighs "My men with their passions...".  
"Yeah" Kim joins him as he watches her husband pick up the child in the cockpit.  
The woman frowns, as John speaks and waves his arms and Nick replies laughing, he seems to see those days ... when the Seeds were only representatives of another way of seeing religion, when Nick was happier why...  
Kim shakes her head with a pat on Joshua's shoulder.

Rook goes to Fall's End, the presence of Eden in the valley is very poor with the fall of the Baptist and the people in the bunker are safe. Luckily Joshua asked Jerome and Joey not to blow up the bunker, after all they should be better than they are.  
Joey is angry, very angry with John, just naming him triggers her.  
"That asshole! Sadistic! Bastard! He and his brothers are monsters! ".  
Joshua's heart sinks and places his hand on his chest, on the Wrath carved by John, and remembers how different the Baptist is as an adult.  
"Why are you so restless?" Deputy Hudson asks, noting the conflict on the blonde's face "Don't tell me you don't think he deserved what happened to him...".  
Obviously everyone knows that John Seed is dead.  
"I..." Joshua speaks honestly "I don't know...".  
He remembers the behavior of Tracey and the sheriff around their Little Bue, despite they knowing who he really is.  
“I think we are clouded by hatred and anger, even with everything they have done to us according to their twisted vision of doing good. We respond with violence and murder, so we are not better than them. "  
"What the fuck are you saying?!" Joey raises an eyebrow.  
“I mean that even if with wrong means and wrong ideas, their intentions I can understand them. It is terrifying to think that the world may end sooner or later. I think that, counting John's bad experiences in a childhood and life devoid of love and true friends, what he did was his way of helping us".  
A violent slap hits Joshua's face and Joey looks at him with a mixture of hatred and confusion.  
"What the fuck is wrong with you?! After all what you've done! You try to see them as humans! They are fucking monsters!".  
“Precisely for this reason I think they are more human than we are. We believe in heroes and we kill them indiscriminately thinking that we are right, that we are better than them, but it is hypocritical and selfish in terms of perspective. I thought about it so much and with my head, without being influenced by anyone. I don't think they really like what they do, they think they have to do it because of a danger that threatens us all. If John liked what he did and why he thought it would make Joseph proud, that he would have his approval, that he would have his love".  
Joey grimaces biting his lip and holding back in answering.  
"There is nothing worse than never being loved, being treated as something wrong", Joshua thinks about his father and tries not to touch the scars on his face, "Desperately trying to please someone we love, but who hates us. There is no worse thing for a child to think he is wrong, by sticking in head that that twisted way of doing is love. And never receive the love he would like...".  
Joshua takes a deep breath trying not to get caught up in the emotions "Sincerely Joey, no. I don't approve of what John Seed has done to you and many other people, but I understand why he did it and I understand that, knowing the life he had, he didn't know what else to do... because it is the meaning of love that his parents taught him, inflicted and distorted him. A meaning that is terrifying for us”.  
Joshua's mind thinks of the voicemail at the Ranch, the unheard message for John.  
"A meaning that Joseph desperately tried to change, until it was too late."  
A disturbing silence has spread throughout the town and dozens of eyes and ears are turned to him.  
Eventually Joshua smiles and pats Joey on the shoulder.  
"I am happy to see that you have recovered and that everything is quiet here," he gives her a small kiss on the cheek and then leaves.

To return to the Rye house, Joshua chooses to walk realizing that it is now mid-afternoon. He breathes the air of the valley, happy that nobody is shooting at him.  
His radio makes a slight noise and Joshua realizes that he must switch to channel 37.  
"Rook...?" Faith's voice reaches him.  
"I'm here".  
"Hey, how you doing?".  
"Everything's fine, John is fine, are you?".  
"All right, except that in addition to informing you of my findings, I have a warning".  
"Which?".  
"The wolf is very angry Rook, he's planning something, he wants your head".  
"It doesn't surprise me, after all he thinks I killed his little brother."  
"Rook, Jacob is a very dangerous, maybe you should...".  
"What's new about our Little Blue?" he abruptly interrupts her.  
Faith sighs "Okay... then Dr. Lindsay's statistics are quite correct, except that John has a quantity of Bliss in his body that seems to have high or low peaks depending on the moment. In a nutshell, when John can find himself in certain situations or have the right stimulus, a part of the Baptist emerges. I guess you wondered why John sometimes makes adult speeches without realizing it".  
"Yes" Joshua confirms. "Also The sceriff noticed, in addition to the words, also by the tones with which he speaks".  
"Anyway both the John we know is 'trapped' inside Little Blue, but I think it's something he unconsciously wants."  
"Do you mean that his unconscious does not want to make him adult again?"  
“Yes, but that's a theory. I believe that in the form in which he is and thanks to the positive presences that surround him, the unconscious pushes his body into the current situation to protect his mind from bad memories of the past and traumas”.  
"God..." Joshua sighs.  
"There are two options," continues Faith while remaining objective. "Or you raise him like a real child by waiting for him to come back sooner or later, following Dr. Lindsay's percentages, but there is still the risk of turning him into an Angel or killing him."  
"Or?" Joshua bites her lip fearing that the second option is more painful than the first.  
"Or we have to make him experience trauma or shock strong enough to force the adult John to go back."  
Joshua remains motionless, stopping his walk and staring at the road in front of him. No! He can't do it! He doesn't want to do it!  
"You can't..." Joshua tries to swallow the lump in his throat "Can't you create another serum to bring it back?".  
"I can also do it Rook" Faith replies sadly "But there is a very high probability that we will kill him".  
"Ok..." Joshua breathes lunging trying not to reveal the panic in his voice "Thanks, Faith, I... I'll think about it...".  
"I understand, call me when you make a decision" ends the call.  
Joshua with trembling fingers affixes the radio to his belt, then his hands close into a fist and with all his might tries to fight the panic attack that holds oxygen in his throat and makes his eyes water.  
Damn... damn! DAMN!  
He kneels, while a high-pitched cry comes from his lips, and rests his head on the dusty asphalt.  
What kind of monster would it be in reliving a child's trauma? Just because he selfishly wants his John to come back... go back for what? For a life of hate and masks? Maybe it's better this way... maybe it's better for Little Blue to stay and the Baptist to disappear... but John... his John who desperately wants... fuck! It's all so complicated.  
Joshua calms down, he can't make this decision now! And he can't take it alone, more than one person is involved in this. Maybe it's time to tell the truth to Joseph and Jacob... maybe...  
Eventually Joshua sighs as he stands up and shakes off the dust.


	7. Nick's scar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joshua tells the truth to Kim, but Nick understands it on his own and confesses the bond he had with the Baptist.

The blonde smiles as he finds Nick and John where he left them, they are fixing Carmina and Joshua doesn't want to disturb them so he enters the house.  
"Hey" he greets to Kim who is making dinner.  
"Joshua" welcomes him cheerfully "You stop for dinner, don't you? I prepared for you and Johnny too. Also you can stop to sleep, there is space in Carmina's future room”.  
"You don't need to bother, Kim, we can go back to prison".  
"No trouble, it's nice to have you here and then I'm grateful to you".  
"For what?".  
"For Johnny, I haven't seen Nick in such a good mood for ... for a long time".  
Joshua takes a deep breath "I have to tell you something".  
Kim leaves the pan on the stove for slow cooking.  
"Sure" he smiles sitting at the kitchen table.  
"One important thing... he's John..."

At the end of the story Kim is with a popped look and his mouth slightly open.  
"I know it's crazy and I know you, probably, want me and him to leave quickly...".  
Kim suddenly rises from her chair, an empty expression on her face, to Joshua's amazement she doesn't scream or speak. The woman goes to one of the sideboards and, after moving some books and a vase, takes a silver box with blue decorations.  
He returns to the table leaving her in front of Joshua, then looks out the window watching the two pilots at work on the plane.  
Joshua opens the box and his breath remains in his throat with surprise: there are various photos of John, Nick and, sometimes, even with Kim present.  
Joshua takes them in disbelief by examining each one carefully. Seeing the faces and hairstyles of the two men, the oldest photos date back to around 8 or 9 years ago and the most recent ones from 1 or 2 years ago.  
The last two photos surprise Joshua, they are twins and depict John and Nick in front of the newly restored and repainted Affirmation. The two men have tired but satisfied expressions.  
“It's the last photo together, about a year ago, I had taken two to give John one, but then we moved away from him. Or rather, he has moved away... ".  
Joshua looks up at Kim, the woman is with her arms folded leaning against the kitchen sink with downcast eyes.  
"Who do you think taught John to fly?" he asks tiredly “For Nick John he was the brother he never had and for John Nick he was the only true friend he ever had. He saw under the masks and saw a man who fought his demons and cocaine abstinence".  
"Couldn't it last...?" Joshua whispers.  
Kim shakes her head "About a year ago, the day I wanted to give that photo to John, he came to us saying that time was running out and that we had to join Eden, would keep us safe...".  
"I guess Nick said no to him...".  
Kim sighs "It was a terrible day, they fought so ruthlessly that they made me fear they would have hit each other, but in the end John left disappearing from our lives".  
“Did John spread the rumors after that fight? About the fact that Nick was a violent man".  
Kim nods. "Yes... I think it was perhaps his strategy to push us back to him or have us leave the county. It broke Nick's heart... you know the rest of the story, but I believe that in his own way, John wanted to protect us from the ugliness of Eden and their 'end'”.  
Joshua nods, thinking back to Nick's hatred of John, how his hands tighten in anger at just mentioning him, but his eyes lost in pain. A hatred born from the betrayal of those who considered a brother.  
"John liked to talk" Joshua notes. "But he never said anything about Nick or you in an intimate way."  
A sad smile opens on Kim's face. "As I said, he protected us in his own way... also, why try to catch me only when you were around? And don't kidnap me with the plane? "  
These are nice questions...

Nick is fixing bolts, while Johnny passes him the necessary tools, at some point he takes off his hat to shake off the sweat.  
"Do you know what it would take, Little Blue?" asks rhetoric.  
"A nice cold beer" replies the child, but the tone he uses makes Nick turn to him. The expression that Johnny has does not belong to such a young face and the familiar blue eyes shine with malice and fun.  
"You say it every time you start to sweat like a pig dancing classical dance..." the child speaks, but his voice is different.  
Nick jumps to his feet completely frightened. Johnny blinks, shaking his head completely confused by what he was doing.  
"Are you all right, Nick?" asks unaware and innocent.  
The pilot swallows nodding "Yes.... I'm going to get something at home" the words come out of his mouth with great effort "You check that there are all the wrenches in the toolbox".  
The boy nods "Okay".  
Nick runs away, one hand holds his chest that seems to burn, like when the Baptist tore his skin. Pain, anger and disbelief mix, making him dizzy his head.  
He enters the house, sees Joshua examining the forbidden photos and the pieces fall into place.  
"Did you know..." he murmurs almost like a snarl.  
"Nick..." Kim tries to stop him, but it's too late.  
Her husband grabs Rook and slams him hard against the wall.  
"You fucking knew it!" angrily screams.  
Carmina starts to cry and Kim runs to her to calm her down.  
"Because?! Why didn't you kill him?!" Nick's voice is on the verge of tears, as are his eyes.  
Joshua grabs Nick's hands and the words come out screaming from his mouth.  
"Because I love him!".  
A heavy silence falls in the living room, even Carmina has stopped crying.  
Tears flow from Joshua's eyes, ashamed of his confession, as if he were a fault to have fallen in love with someone. Maybe it is, he fell in love with John Seed.  
"I'm screwed, I fell in love with the most wrong person in the world, but that's not what stopped me from killing him" Joshua speaks pulling the pilot's hands gently away from him "Tell me Nick, do you really want him to kill? Because if I hadn't found him in those conditions, I probably would have killed him. Because I'm the Resistance war machine! Nobody cares what it feels like and nobody realizes what it is transforming us to be murderers! I didn't kill John that day because I opened my eyes, I finally prevented my anger and pride from blinding me. Fuck, Nick! You are an agricultural pilot not a member of the air force! I'm a deputy, damn it! Not a killer! I should arrest the killers!".  
Joshua breathes deeply trying to calm down. “I didn't kill him because I understood that if I had, I wouldn't have been able to go back. Because we are not better than them... ".  
"Did you know the John story?" asks Nick surprise Rook, now it's his tears that fall from his face.  
"Yes, this is a reason why I didn't give it to his brothers" he answers sincerely "I wanted to give him another chance of a happy childhood, even if only for a short time...".  
Joshua sighs "I'm sorry Nick, I know that ...", the words of the deputy are cut from the arms of the pilot who surround him, the head rests on his shoulder.  
“Do you know what he said to me? In church?" Nick says trying to speak in a concrete way.  
"No ..." Josgua replies in surprise, remembering that the Baptist had whispered something to the pilot, something that then prompted him to say 'yes'.  
"He said, 'do as I tell you and you will go back to your family.' I have always thought, perhaps, hoped that it was a threat, but I am increasingly convinced that it was his way of protecting us ... ".  
Kim has placed Carmina in her cradle and is now stroking her husband's back.  
"I've never felt so bad as when I had a fight with him a year ago," Nick continues with some relief in his voice, grateful to be able to vent with someone else who has seen John under the masks.  
"The scar I have, it's not the one on my chest, it's not having him in my life anymore."  
The two men calm down by regaining control of their emotions and release the embrace.  
"God, what a mess..." Nick murmurs "It seems to have ended up in a movie or a comic...".  
"Maybe we are characters of an opera and we don't know it" Joshua speculates trying to lighten the atmosphere.  
"Nick... Kim..." asks shyly "Can I keep this photo?", Refers to the twin photo of the two pilots in front of John's plane.  
Kim smiles "Sure", only to be followed by her husband "No problem".  
Joshua smiles and nimbly putting the photo in his pocket "Thanks".  
"Rook" calls him the thoughtful pilot "Will he stay like this forever?".  
"No... it's complicated...".  
Quickly the young deputy tells what Faith told him and the painful choices he will face.  
Kim sighs shaking her husband's hand "It's a nice bomb...".  
"Yes..." Joshua sighs and then comes out "I let you metabolize everything, I go to see our Little Blue".  
Joshua comes out finding the outside a little too quiet, goes to the hangar where the yellow plane is, but John isn't there.  
"Little Blue...? Johnny...? " Joshua calls him, then hears noises behind the hangar and Rook realizes that the child must have left to browse around. He go behind the sheds and then... something hard hits the young deputy's face.  
The blond is on the ground with a bloody nose and an imposing figure looks at him with disgust.  
"Joshua!" John's little voice screams desperately.  
Jacob Seed is above him, about five elect with their wolves surround them, one of them holds Johnny still, while the child tries to free himself.  
John is terribly afraid... afraid of the red-haired man, reminds him of the ogre. The orc broke Jake's nose once...  
"Did you really think I wouldn't have the balls to get out of my mountain to hunt you out?" Jacob growls.  
Joshua tries to get up, but the veteran kicks him in the chest.  
“After all the mess you've made? Did you really think I wasn't keeping an eye on you?! " Jacob speaks and there is only hatred in his voice.  
John stop fighting and trembles completely terrified, as the horrendous memories of his father and brothers resurface as they try to protect him.  
“You killed my little brother. Joseph doesn't want me to hurt you because he thinks you're important, but I don't agree. ”The veteran leans over Joshua grabbing him by the shirt.  
Tears flow from John's eyes.  
Jacob prepares to hit the deputy in the face, but ...  
"DAD, NO!" the desperate voice of the child screams “PLEASE DO NOT DO IT! DAD, DON'T HURT HIM!".  
Jacob's hand remains in midair, his eyes wide open in shock. He slowly turns to the child who sobs and cries desperately.  
John is reliving the memory where a young rebel Jacob was a victim of the Old Man Seed violence.  
"IT WAS MY FAULT!" desperate screams “DON'T PUNISH HIM FOR WHAT I DID! PLEASE, DAD! I'M SORRY!".  
Jacob stares at the boy completely smacked, then looks at his blood-stained hand... did he hate his old man so much that he was becoming like him...? No! No... he shouldn't... he couldn't...  
The veteran stands up slowly takes two steps facing the boy. John is left by the chosen one and remains motionless with downcast eyes staring at the ground trying to hide the fear.  
"I..." Jacob hesitantly speaks "I am not like my father...".  
Joshua is sure to hear pain in the veteran's voice, he hated his father so much that his biggest fear is becoming like him...  
Rook gets up leaning against the metal wall of the shed and John runs towards him wanting to get away from the man who looks so much like his biological father.  
Jacob doesn't stop him and the boy crashes into hugging Joshua by sinking his face into his side.  
The blonde caresses his head and holds a firm hand on his back.  
Jacob has turned to stare at them, memories of years ago run through his mind, this child... this child looks so much like, but it cannot be...  
"How..." speaks the somewhat uncertain veteran "What's your name?".  
The boy turns his head towards him, finds the blue eyes of the red-haired man so familiar, his father did not have them so dark, but his father is in prison.  
He fights fear clutching Joshua's shirt, sees the eight-pointed cross on men's clothes and on the faces of wolves, the same cross that Tracey had warned him about...  
Joshua doesn't know if you interfere, after all he thought he was telling the truth to the two older brothers, but in the end it is Little Blue who speaks.  
"John..." says in a small voice "John Seed...".  
The elect are completely confused, thinking of a vice joke or a stupid coincidence, but Jacob... Jacob has his face in complete shock again.  
After long minutes of disturbing silence, the veteran takes a deep breath, "Let's go away" orders.  
"But sir..." intervenes one of the elect.  
Jacob grabs him by the jacket growling at him "I said: let's go", growl with icy calm and authority that does not allow replies.


	8. The king and the prince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's find out Joshua's story and his decision for the good of the man he loves.

"Are they gone?" Nick asks passing a bag full of ice to Joshua.  
"Yes" replies the deputy putting the object on his nose "John was quite upset".  
"Do you think John recognized Jacob?".  
“No... he was completely terrified of it, perhaps because our dear Jacob looks like their biological father. Besides, Little Blue believes that his older brother is 15 years old and is in some reformatory".  
"But Jacob recognized him...".  
"Yes, but I think the whole situation has tilted our wolf man's brain".  
Nick passes the dinner to Joshua who eats it greedily, John and Kim had already eaten and the woman brought the child over to take a bath and a change of clothes.  
"Kim will prepare clean clothes for you too, so you to take a hot shower" Nick informs him "You need it, you smell like a bear who has made a trip to a landfill".  
Joshua laughs “It's damn true. You and Kim are always kind, I don't know what I would do without you".  
"Don't think about it, Rook" shrugs Nick "Have you decided what to do?".  
"I think the best thing is to talk to Joseph".  
"You can not!" Nick fusses, but the blonde calms him by putting a hand on his shoulder.  
“It's his family and it's a bigger situation than all of us, I don't have the right to choose for him or for them. Don't worry Nick, if there is something suspicious or they will try to take it from me I will not allow it”.  
Nick nods thoughtfully and remains for a few seconds in deep silence, until the question escapes from the pilot's lips.  
"Why do you think you are in love with the Baptist?".  
This question makes Joshua sigh resignedly. He sink into the sofa staring at the ceiling.  
“I don't know, Nick, I only know that since the John Seed we know is gone, I miss it. I miss his interactions on the radio, the sound of his voice and... ".  
Joshua laughs nervously "When he captured me and brought him to his bunker, he started talking about the YES and all the bad things that the Duncans did to him. There was a moment when my heart contracted in my chest, I think it was pain, but there was also something else... ".  
Nick listens carefully to the words of the deputy, feels sympathetic in the blond's feelings towards the Baptist. Even the pilot wonders what that child could become with the love he deserved.  
Then Joshua's nostalgic face changes, his cheeks turn red and he lowers his embarrassed gaze.  
"What's up...?" curious asks Nick.  
"Nothing...".  
"Come on, what did you remember?".  
"On that occasion I saw how John's body moved and...".  
"And you had erotic dreams on his beard that tickles your neck or that his hands tie you to the bed".  
"Also...".  
"Also..." Nick repeats laughing.  
"Her ass" finally confesses "The most beautiful ass I've ever seen".  
The pilot laughs bending over in two and Joshua joins him.  
"It still haunts me in my dreams!" the blond justifies himself.  
He didn't think Nick could laugh louder.

"God..." Joshua moans enjoying the hot water running down his body.  
A decent bathroom! Real hot water! It's a dream come true...  
Joshua doesn't hear the bathroom door move or the shower curtain open and close. Warm hands are placed on his chest making him jump, he is gently attracted to another hot body, one hundred percent male...  
"Nick...?" Joshua's eyes widen, but then he notices the tattooed fingers that press his chest. A beard rubs on his neck and warm breath teases his left ear and cheek.  
"It's not Nick ..." John Seed says amusedly placing a kiss on Joshua's shoulder which quickly turns into a bite.  
Rook moans, a mixture of pain and pleasure, then takes John's hands and slides them lower making him take his penis.  
"We are impatient..." John smiles licking the blood from the wound and taking the other's penis with surprising delicacy.  
"It's been a long time since I wanted to do it..." Joshua whispers bringing his hands behind and touching John's ass, he is perfect in his palm as he imagined it.  
The Baptist smiles "Do you want me inside you?".  
Joshua smiles in ecstasy at the thought and is about to respond, when the knock on the door makes him jump in surprise.  
"Rook? Everything good?" Kim's voice comes.  
Joshua winces realizing that he is alone, there is no trace of John or the wound that left on the shoulder, he makes a disappointed lament like a child who took away the candies.  
Why can't John fuck himself even in fantasy? Even just a kiss! Is it asking too much?  
"Yes" he finally says closing the water and wrapping himself in a towel "John, where is he?".  
“It is in Carmina's future room. You can sleep together, the bed is big enough".  
"It's a good idea".

They are lying on the bed staring at the ceiling, the light on the bedside table is the only thing on.  
"Why did that red-haired man want to hurt you?" John asks turning to him and looking at him.  
"He think that I killed his brother".  
"Oh..." John exclaims in surprise. "And did you do it?".  
"No" Joshua sincerely replies looking at the boy gently "I'm ashamed to think I wanted to do it, but in the end I didn't".  
“Why don't you tell the red-haired man? So he will stop being sad and angry with you".  
"I think he figured it out for himself, that's why he's gone."  
“But why did you want to kill someone? Isn't it a horrible sin?".  
“Sometimes anger blinds us and even selfishness and we forget that we must be better, for a better world. It's not easy, Johnny, it's not easy at all".  
The boy smiles grasping his hand "But you did it".  
Joshua snorts a laugh "This does not make me a saint...".  
"The person you didn't kill," John reflects. "Is he the one who owns that dark blue coat? The coat with golden planes".  
Rook raises an eyebrow "How did you make the connection?".  
"I guessed it" John laughs satisfied with his discovery. "So you spared that man because you like him?".  
Joshua looks away, knows that his cheeks are turning red, must he confess that John likes John himself?! He doesn't know whether to find it funny or desperate.  
"How is he?!" the child asks the question by interrupting his thoughts.  
John's question seems to have been made with a veil of jealousy that Joshua hopes to have imagined.  
"Do you want to see it?" he asks with an idea in mind.  
"Do you have a picture?".  
"Yes," Joshua smiles as he pulls the photo out of his pants pocket. "He's a friend of Nick's".  
Show the photo of John grabbing it greedily and Rook awaits a type of reaction, perhaps he will be able to unlock the Baptist without resorting to traumatic means. Maybe...  
John runs his fingers over the face of his adult self, frowning, finally sighs resignedly returning the photo.  
"he's beatiful..." he says sullenly.  
Joshua almost laughs, John jealous of himself never thought of seeing him.  
"You are more beautiful" he says, giving him a kiss on the side of the head.  
The child smiles satisfied "Do you like that man?".  
"No" Joshua sincerely replies "I think I love him, just as I love you".  
John frowns "Isn't it the same thing?".  
"Not really" he explains sweetly to him. "For me, love means wanting and doing the good of the person we love despite everything and wanting nothing in return other than his happiness or his own well-being".  
Joshua sighs nostalgically, does not know John well, yet within him there is the uncontrollable desire to be close to the Baptist, taking everything he gives him, even if it is only violence and anger.  
The child looks at him doubtfully and then embraces Joshua sinking his face into his chest "Then I love you too...".  
Rook strokes his back gently, then John slowly raises his hand touching the scars on his face. The expression he has is not that of a child and Joshua shakes the hand on his face praying to get the Baptist back, but it does not happen.  
"How did you get these scars?" John asks curiously.  
"I too had an ogre" he replies simply.  
"Was it your dad?" the surprised child opens his eyes.  
"Yes... but before he was a king... do you want to hear a story?".  
John nods, taking his hand away from Joshua's face and watching him carefully ready to listen.  
"A few years ago, in the middle of the corn fields stood a castle made of wood and with the scent of wheat" says Joshua with his eyes turned towards the ceiling full of nostalgia.  
“There lived a king and queen with his two children, a prince and a princess. They were wonderful and happy days, but then a great fire broke out in the castle destroying the property and killing the queen and princess. The king and prince were left alone and homeless, so the king had to sell his land to buy a small house in the village becoming a common worker and to feed the prince who was still a child. Both were marked by the mourning of the queen and princess. The king fell into deep despair and darkness, an abyss that the prince saw only when it was too late.  
Despite his grief, the prince managed to recover and regain his smile over time, until he turned 16 and realized he was attracted to boys and not girls. One day he brought home one of his peers to study and on that occasion the two boys exchanged kisses.  
That day the king returned home from work earlier and saw what the two young men did. Furious at what he saw, the king drove his son's peer out of the house, then took the prince by the hair and dragged him into the cellar. He pulled out one of his knives telling the prince how disgusting he was..."  
John shakes Joshua's hand with a worried face.  
"There is nothing more terrible than when a person who should love and protect you, you hate yourself so much for no reason and inevitably leads you to think that we are the wrong ones" Rook tries not to cry, withdraws tears by taking a deep breath.  
"The king told the prince that he was a monster, so everyone had to know what he was and he decided to leave an indelible mark on him... when the king began to engrave the face of his son, the prince realized that his father was died with the princess and queen. The being in front of him, who was hurting him, was an ogre full of anger and guilt".  
Joshua takes a deep breath, glad he didn't cry, he hated that memory... that part of his life only made him feel bad.  
John sinks the face of Joshua's hip tightening it.  
"What happened after?" the boy asks cautiously.  
“The ogre who was once the king was arrested and sent to prison, the prince made a decision. To mock the ogre for what he had done to him, he decided to wear scars as a sign of pride for what he went through and to remember being proud of himself.  
Eventually he entered the police academy and a few years later was sent to Montana as a new deputy. There the prince met a sky traveler named Little Blue and now, together, they are facing a long journey between wolves and religious fanatics".  
John smiles "It's a sad story, but it has a happy ending".  
Joshua would like to tell him that this story is not over yet and that he is not sure if it will end well, but he chooses to keep quiet by embracing the child and falling asleep slowly.

The sun shines in the clear sky and Joshua is climbing a lush green hill. The summer air has a pleasant smell. The blonde's path ends in front of a bright white church, a church that Rook knows well.  
He opens the door slowly, there is only one figure in front of the altar that turns his back on the young deputy.  
The blonde jumps in fright, as the doors close abruptly behind him and the candles scattered around the church all light up together.  
The figure raises his arms in the air, forming an arc on the symbol of Eden hanging above the altar. Joshua knows who this man is.  
"Something is coming..." Joseph speaks softly "Can you hear it?".  
The preacher is dressed as in the video that Rook saw on the day his life changed.  
"Did you think I didn't know anything?" he asks in a somewhat brusque and almost angry voice "Did you think I didn't know you want to take John away from me?".  
Joshua looks at Joseph with fear.  
"Keep him away from his family, do you think you're better than all of us?".  
Joshua is forced to lean on one of the empty benches, as a tremendous pain digs into his chest. The shirt is torn by itself and close to its wrath, the word pride is carved by an invisible knife.  
Now Joseph has turned to him and looks at him with profound disappointment.  
"There is another sin for you..." the preacher whispers with a neutral face.  
Joshua's pants are lowered below the navel line, the writing lust burns on the skin, as if it were made of a hot metal.  
When Rook looks up, Joseph is inches from him.  
"You are beyond salvation, you are a being who is not worthy to be in our flock, let alone be worthy of one of our family members".  
Joshua's eyes widen full of fear "I... love him..." he stammers sincerely.  
Joseph gently grasps his face "How can you love someone who doesn't know what that word means?".  
"I am willing to risk...".  
A slight smile opens on Joseph's face "You are so naive and you are a danger for all of us".  
The preacher's thumbs press on Joshua's eyes.  
"I will not take risks, John will return to his family and you will no longer bring hell on us".  
Joshua screams as his fingers sink into his eyes.

Rook wakes up abruptly breathing heavily, panic takes some time to go away and his mind reminds him where he is. Just a dream born from his fears and anxieties.  
John has fallen asleep peacefully by his side and the deputy realizes that it is early in the morning.  
Joshua gives a quick kiss on the boy's head and then gets up and tucks the sheets.  
He goes out into the fresh summer air with the radio in his hand observing the fields of the Holland Valley. Select channel 37 and speak firmly.  
"I know you are listening to Jacob, I am sure you have spoken to Faith since our last meeting and he will have told you all the details, while also telling you that he is waiting for my news on this channel."  
It takes a few minutes for the veteran to respond.  
"Yes, your assumptions are correct".  
"Did he tell you everything?".  
"Yes".  
"Did you almost have a heart attack like it happened to me and Rachel?".  
"I haven't slept all night," sighs Jacob. "I thought about the options we have to get him back".  
Joshua runs a hand over his face, he's not the only one who doesn't want to hurt John like that.  
"Does Joseph know?".  
“I will go to him shortly. You know I'm not going to let John stay in your hands anymore, do you?".  
"Yup".  
"We will have to decide what we will do and not you."  
"We will decide it together".  
There is a moment of silence, then Jacob speaks cautiously "Explain yourself better".  
"I will take John to the complex and we will evaluate what we have to do together, if you think that I will leave him alone among those who are strangers to him, then you are wrong".  
"He's our brother!".  
"He believes that his Jacob is 15 years old and is in the reformatory and believes that Joseph is 12 years old and, the last time he saw him, he was in an orphanage in Georgia".  
"Why are you doing this for him? Why did you do all this for him?".  
"Because I thought it deserved a second chance, but it's not worth it if he risk dying".  
"It's not just that, is it?".  
"I would like to find an agreement between the Resistance and Eden, but I think I don't have to talk about it only with you".  
Jacob snorts "It's not the whole truth, it's what you offer me".  
“Here is my proposal, you will go to Joseph and explain everything to him, including the situation of John's memory. I will take the small Seed to the complex together with only a gun and a knife "Joshua speaks firmly" When we get there there must not be many faithful, especially armed, because I don't want John to get scared. He's a smart kid and I think you know this more than I do".  
Jacob sighs with a half growl "It is reasonable, but I will not hesitate to shoot you in the head if this detects a trap".  
"It is reciprocal".


	9. Joseph's covenant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally Joseph enters the scene...

For breakfast Joshua took possession of the kitchen preparing his fantastic Waffles.  
It doesn't take long for the two Rye and John to go down following the smell. They eat complimenting Joshua's excellent cuisine, one of his few talents other than running, dodging bullets or detonating something.  
"I made a decision" Rook speaks to the two adults "I decided to bring the Baptist in his family".  
John ignores adult speeches to enjoy the fantastic breakfast. The two Rye stare at the young deputy in horrofied.  
"You can't do it..." Nick says incredulously, squeezing the table "They will make him back to what he was before and even if he wasn't, they will poison his mind with all their bullshit".  
"That's why I'll be close to him until the last moment" Joshua replies determinedly. "I won't let him be pushed into the same nightmare if he stays as he is now".  
"What if he goes back to when he was the Baptist?" Kim asks uncertainly.  
"I count on the fact that the time spent with me is not just an illusion or a dream, I hope it leave something inside..." Joshua explains hopefully.  
Nick sighs deeply running a hand over his face "I hope you know what you're doing...".  
"Me too..." comments Rook.  
The pilot grabs his wrist "I would like to have my best friend back" he speaks seriously and calmly "But if this means going too far, I am willing to grow him like Carmina".  
Kim grasps Nick's hand, squeezing it to support him and with the other hand she touches Joshua's wrist agreeing with the words of her husband.  
The looks of the three adults rest on the child who is biting the last piece of Waffle soaked in chocolate, he licks his lips and fingers several times making noises of appreciation.

After about an hour, Joshua and John are at the door. Kim is kissing the child's forehead who, in turn, is kissing little Carmina's cheek, placed in the woman's arms.  
"Here you are always welcome John, always remember him, however you come".  
John nods not understanding the meaning of Kim's words well, but is happy to see her again in the future.  
Nick kneels to stay at eye level, gently takes his shoulders looking intensely at the blue irises.  
Eventually he drags the baby into a tight embrace.  
"I miss you, Johnny" whispers the sincere pilot "I miss you a lot".  
John reciprocates the embrace "I miss you too Nicky..." the Baptist's voice comes like an icy wind.  
Nick loosens his embrace to look at John's face, but the boy blinks in confusion... the Baptist is buried there, but everyone is afraid of the price to bring him out.

"Where do we go?" John asks when their jeep takes the bridge to leave Holland Valley.  
“Don't be alarmed. I have to talk to those men who are part of the eight-pointed cross club".  
John frowns "But they are bad people...".  
"It's not that simple, they are people who have suffered a lot".  
"Why do you have to go to them?".  
"I have to help them find something they lost, if I help them we can end the war".  
John's eyes widen in amazement "Could you really make people stop getting hurt?".  
"It's not just up to me" Joshua smiles sweetly "But I'll try".

Joseph's complex is silent. There are few people around and they are unarmed, Joshua observes, as they reach the church holding the child's hand.  
John stops abruptly with his eyes fixed on the facade of the church.  
"Are you all right, Johnny?" Joshua asks, stroking his head and thinking that, perhaps, his Little Blue is remembering something of the Baptist's life.  
Instead of answering, the child runs to embrace Rook's side, as Jacob comes into view. The veteran seems hurt by John's reaction, but he can't blame him. For the child, Jacob is a man who looks a lot like his violent father and has hurt the man who is taking care of him.  
"Hey..." Rook softly whispers "It's all right...".  
John rolls his eyes towards Jacob “Your brother is alive! Don't hurt Joshua! " he screams between worry and determination.  
The veteran opens his mouth slightly and then snorts "I know boy" speaks calmly and slowly approaching, but not too much so as not to frighten John.  
"I'm sorry if I hit him the last time we met".  
The boy remains silent, but his gaze remains suspicious.  
"Hey, Johnny" Faith's sweet voice comes to their side, the young woman bends over him stroking his cheeks.  
John's attitude becomes more relaxed "Hi Rachel" greets her in a timid but happy voice.  
"Look what I kept" she tells him, pointing to the same flower that the baby gave him at their previous meeting, is hanging on the dress and Faith has dried it, preserving its beauty to always carry it.  
John touches it with his fingers letting go of Rook "I like the way you fixed it".  
Faith smiles at him, then turns to Joshua "I'm happy with your choice."  
Rook sighs "I don't know if it's right, but I don't want to make this decision myself".  
"I appreciate your wisdom..." Joseph's voice raises everyone's back. The Father leaves the church with a solemn appearance, but his steps falter as the eyes covered with yellow lenses rest on John.  
To Joshua's relief, Joseph wears black pants and a white shirt, the rosary always hanging on his right wrist.  
The preacher approaches the two, the child stares at him doubtfully with the feeling of having already seen this man.  
Joseph crouches in front of John with a sweet smile.  
"Hi John" greets him cordially.  
"Hi..." the boy replies shyly.  
"You know me?".  
John shakes his head playing with his nervous fingers.  
"Don't you remember anyone?".  
The child remains silent with fear of saying the wrong thing.  
Joseph laughs "Sorry, I hadn't thought of that", he raises his glasses over his head to discover the blue irises, blue like the clear skies on a winter morning.  
At that point John's eyebrows frown and he approaches the preacher. The small hands rest on the cheeks trying to recognize the blue and familiar eyes of this man.  
"You have the same eyes as mom..." John speaks shyly "They are also as sad as those of mom...".  
Joseph's mouth opens, but he cannot pronounce anything, he is surprised by John's honest and innocent words.  
The boy takes hands off the preacher's face and returns to Joshua's side, hiding shyly behind him.  
Joseph stands up watching how John is close to the deputy.  
"Faith" finally speaks calmly "Why don't you take our little guest for a walk near the lake while we talk to Deputy Rook?".  
The young woman nods, but John shakes his head not wanting to leave Joshua. "Hey, Little Blue" Joshua speaks calmly smiling "I'm here, nothing will happen to me and you can trust Faith, she is a friend of Tracey's, remember?".  
The blue eyes stare at him undecided, but then John leaves Joshua's side to take Faith's hand.  
The two leave and Joshua turns to the two remaining Seed.

They speak in the church, they speak about the situation of the Resistance and of Eden. There was a stalemate between the two factions due to the blockade of Rook, since it focused on John's situation.  
"So after we solve our brother's problem, do you want to organize a meeting between the leaders of the Resistance and those present here?" Jacob reflects aloud.  
"Yes, I've already talked to the sheriff about it, he and I are willing to act as emissaries if necessary" Joshua confirms.  
"Some members of the Resistance can't wait to kill us" Jacob countered. "I doubt you will be successful".  
"Who knows why" Rook replies ironically "I didn't say it will be easy, after all if you force people to convert and lock them up in a bunker, you can't expect them to dance with happiness amid looting and torture".  
"We have to save as many people as possible" replies Joseph with his classic calm "The end is near and...".  
"In the end you will thank us" Joshua ends the sentence with a perfect imitation of the preacher's voice.  
Jacob growls at him, but Rook raises his defensive hands "Relax, mom bear, dad knows I'm kidding".  
"Son of a bitch!" Jacob approaches him "Why don't I shoot him in the head?! I am sure that his body is sufficient as a stimulus to bring John back!".  
"Jacob"he is taken up by the Father "Calm down".  
The veteran sighs by crossing his arms over his chest and gritting his teeth.  
“I think I understand your point of view, Joseph, I listen to the radio beyond the county boundaries. Even if I don't believe that God speaks to you"Joshua tells him honestly" And even if it were, I doubt that God told you to bring this nightmare on us, as a consequence of the hell that I brought on you.  
There is another way to do things and I know you have done it this way because you believe that there is no more time, but if you allow me this respite and to change some things in your cult, I would offer you something else in return".  
Joseph and Jacob observe him extremely interested.  
Joshua stands in front of the Father kneeling with humility "You will have me..." he whispers without stopping to look Joseph in the eyes "I do not intend to kill anyone or do harm anymore, but if you want I will leave the county. If you want me to join your cult, I will do it, I will confess and get tattooed or engraved anything you want. I will make the pilgrimage and face all the trials of Jacob, with the sole exception of not wanting to harm nobody".  
Jacob is surprised by this offer. Joseph, however, always remains neutral, it is difficult to read this man.  
The Father grabs Joshua's chin and carefully fixes his eyes "You would do it for him, wouldn't you?".  
"Yes" the young deputy replies without hesitation.  
Jacob frowns “What? Who are you talking about?".  
The veteran is ignored by the other two men.  
"What would you do for him?" Joseph asks again.  
"Everything" Joshua replies again without hesitation.  
The preacher grabs the blond man's hand and pushes him to his feet, Jacob's voice in the background. "What the fuck are you talking about?!".  
Joseph joins Joshua's forehead with hers and, for some reason, the deputy feels better as if the Father is giving him some kind of blessing or permission to something forbidden.  
After about a minute, the two men come off and Jacob sighs "I guess you accept, right Joe?".  
"Yes" replies the preacher. "But the worrying thing is how to get John adult again. Faith has already explained the options to us and I think the best thing, however terrible, is to make him relive a trauma or a shock”.  
Joshua clenches his teeth "It can't be the only solution, Jospeh, there must be another serum that Faith can create to get it back".  
Jacob's contracted face claims to agree with the deputy.  
“Unfortunately, if we graft another Bliss into John's body, we risk killing him or turning him into an angel. The second option is the statistics of Dr. Lindsay, which includes 35% which leads to the result of the previous possibility "explains Joseph patient "We can always keep him here with us for a while, see if our presence can trigger something, to get it back".  
"No" Joshua raises his voice "I don't want him to be among you if he remains a child, I will not allow your to exchange a childhood between religious fanatics for another".  
"We are not the Duncans" replies Joseph dryly.  
"But you didn't let the poison they stuck in him veins heal".  
Joseph contracts his mouth, a slight anger crosses his face "Do you think he has not tried? Years and years of abuse don't disappear in the blink of an eye. Everything he did, he did for me, to have my approval in a hungry desire for love. Maybe you're right in being angry with me, but you can't judge, you don't know John as we know him. Do you really think it's easy to understand it?”.  
"It's not easy at all" Joshua replies "But I'm trying, otherwise I would have left him with the Resistance or killed, I wouldn't have brought him here".  
Jacob remains on the sidelines, in conflict and undecided on which side to take sides. He wants John back, but he agrees with Joshua's point, he doesn't want his brother to suffer, he has already suffered more than a normal human being can bear. The veteran blinks as a red light draws his attention from the small window above the church doors. Pray that Joseph doesn't get too pissed...  
"I'm not transiting that John staying here" Joseph branded in a firm and serious voice.  
"And I'm not transiting that I will take him away with me, away from Eden, until he can choose by himself" Joshua replies in the same tone.  
"You are very selfish, deputy, you are fond of him and you don't want to let him go, you don't want him to go home".  
"It is precisely because I care about him that I don't want to leave him here, he has already seen too much violence".  
The discussion is getting more heated and in the end Joshua turns away from the church “It was a mistake to come here! Hoping to find a meeting point!".  
The two Seed chase after him and as Joshua comes out into the open air, he notes relieved that Faith is returning hand in hand with John, they are not far from them.  
Joseph's fingers tighten on the deputy's wrist and pulls him back "In this way you won't help nobody" the preacher speaks cold "I don't want to lose my brother, I've already lost him once and it won't happen again!".  
Joshua is about to retort, but a laser pointer hits Joseph's chest. Rook's body moves automatically, pulls Joseph against him the moment the bullet explodes...  
An indescribable pain on his back... hot liquid filtering out of his body... someone is screaming... and Joshua's last thought goes to John before dark.


	10. Jacob's plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John wakes up

John's eyes are fixed on the blood that smears the white wood. Faith tries to distract him, but the figure of Joshua who collapses on the ground is imprinted on his retina.  
Tears run down his face and someone is screaming... that someone is him...  
He pays no attention to Faith freeing himself from her grip... he pays no attention to his heart pumping ferociously into his chest or his skin that burn, he feels as if his muscles are being pulled outward and he pays no attention to the clothes that they get tighter and more uncomfortable.  
He pays no attention to the red-haired man holding pressure on Joshua's wound, while the preacher speaks on the radio urgently...  
John only knows that his hands raise Rook with surprising ease managing to hug him and rest Joshua's head in the hollow of his neck stroking his hair.  
The red-haired man stares at him with pure amazement, but then other people arrive trying to take Joshua away from him.  
John shakes his head and squirms against the new arrivals, but the red-haired man manages to stop him and says something to him... something that John doesn't understand. All the noises around him are muffled and covered by his own breathing and heartbeat.  
Eventually the red-haired man walks away and takes Rook's body away from him, leaving John on his knees with Joshua's blood on him.  
The preacher bends over him and takes face in his hands, stroking the tears on his cheeks. His lips move repeating the same thing, repeating his name...  
John's eyes blink several times trying not to close, he suddenly feels tired, he rests his head on the preacher's shoulder.

Was it a dream...? Was it just a faded memory...? What happened after the plane crashed...?  
John's eyes open slowly, he immediately recognizes the infirmary of the Joseph complex, and is rather equipped for a wooden hut in the midst of a cult.  
His eyes moved slowly on his right arm, he is wrapped in needles and tubes connected to a machine to clean the blood of all impurities.  
Right... that junkie tried to drug him and apparently he did.  
John tries to relax in bed, but flashes pass before his eyes along with a big headache.

"Hey, Little Blue...  
I'm Joshua Logan, but they call me Rook...  
Do not trust men who wear the eight-pointed cross....  
Montana is a beautiful state...  
I won't let them hurt you...  
You will always be welcome here...  
I miss you, Johnny...  
I don't like it, I love it..."

John snaps seated with a painful grimace on his face, while keeping his fingers pressed to the side of his forehead.  
"Hey..." Jacob's big hand rests gently on his chest "Take it easy."  
Her older brother is seated at his side and has a raised face.  
"What happened...?" John asks confused.  
"We are detoxifying you from the Bliss you have in your blood" Jacob looks at the machine and then gives a small smile "Just in time, it has just finished". Gently remove the comforts from John's arm and then apply a bandage "What do you remember?".  
"I don't know..." John replies "I seem to have woken up from a beautiful dream ...".  
"A beautiful dream?".  
"Yes, it left me with a good feeling".  
Jacob bites his lip "What do you think of Deputy Rook?".  
John's eyebrows furrow and he grimace "He and Nick owe me a plane...".  
The veteran looks at him with a thoughtful expression.  
"How long has it been since..." John nods his head towards his arm.  
"Three weeks, counting the time you slept...".  
John sits back on the bed completely baffled. "What..? What?!".  
"Damn Johnny!" Jacob reproaches him by checking that the bandage on his arm is not damaged or slipped off.  
Things become clear in the Baptist's mind: the Resistance, Tracey and Whitehorse taking care of him, Nick and Kim... Joshua... Deputy Joshua 'Rook' Logan.  
"What happened to Joshua...?" John asks terrified of the answer.  
Jacob seems surprised by the question, but then sighs with a shrug "He is in a kind of coma, because of the stress that his body has suffered and the loss of blood".  
John contracts his mouth clenching his fists, he uncovering the blankets from his body and trying to get up, luckily he has at least the briefs on him.  
"Where do you think you're going?".  
"From him" John replies getting up from the bed and leaning against the wall to support his trembling legs.  
"You're not going anywhere" Jacob stops him.  
"I have to understand one thing, Jake, and you won't stop me".  
"Yes, if I tie you to the bed".  
John looks at him coldly "It is curious that a sniper has gone unnoticed by your wolves and tried to hit Joseph when the deputy was so close".  
Jacob freezes as he observes his brother facing coldly him "I explain my theory to you knowing the defendant and knowing the victim" John speaks entering lawyer mode.  
"My theory is that the defendant wanted to achieve a purpose: the victim's honesty and loyalty".  
Jacob bites his lip nervously, he is not as good at lying as John, one of Jacob's strengths is his honesty and frankness, but it can be an Achilles heel in situations like this.  
"So defendant, I believe he owes me, otherwise I will inform the judge who is probably already suspicious of his act".  
"Why do you want to see it?" Jacob asks, nodding reluctantly to the agreement and helping his brother walk.  
"I have to understand one thing..." he answers thoughtfully.  
They arrive in front of an isolated room and Jacob knocks and opens the door.  
Faith is sitting by Joshua's bed, jumping to her feet as soon as she sees them.  
"John" smiles cordially "I'm happy to see that you're okay".  
The Baptist's eyes move to the flower stuck on the dress and a slight headache makes him waver, Jacob holds him still, but John manages to focus his attention on Joshua.  
"Leave me alone..." he murmurs indecisively.  
"What?" Jacob asks.  
"Leave me alone with him" he repeats more convinced and determined.  
Faith smiles slightly and walks out the door, but Jacob looks at him annoyed.  
"I don't want to leave you alone with him".  
"And what could he do to me? Watch he...".  
"But...".  
"You owe me Jake" John speaks concisely.  
Jacob sighs reluctantly and then leaves the room by closing the door behind him with a thump.  
John approaches Joshua using the wall as a support, his body is tired from everything he has gone through. He manages to grab the mattress where the deputy is himself and uses it as a support.  
John bends over Joshua observing every inch of his face meticulously, he cannot understand the emotions that wear down his chest.  
"What you did to me..?" John asks angrily, placing his arm on the deputy's neck, is ready to put pressure on the blonde's throat, is ready to suffocate him because everything he is feeling just by looking at him makes him angry and frightened at the same time.  
"WHAT YOU DID TO ME?!" he screams completely confused.  
The worst thing for John was not to have been treated by the Resistance or that Joshua had opened his heart to him. The worst part is that he wants to believe, he wants with all of himself to believe that everything Joshua has said or done about him is true.  
John's arm slowly rises from the deputy's neck and then his fingers caress Joshua's cheeks, tracing his scars and cheekbones.  
John rests his nose in Rook's neck, his smell is the thing he remembers better than the past three weeks, an smell that makes him feel safe.  
"It is uncertain when he will recover" Joseph is at the door with the white book in his hands "He saved my life and I can not help but respect the agreement that we had agreed in case you returned".  
John does not turn to his brother, but is no longer bent over the young deputy "What pact?".  
"Peace between the Resistance and Eden".  
John would have been against Joseph's weakness in allowing a truce, but now...  
"I don't remember everything about these three weeks, but they all treated me well and some of them knew who I really was".  
Now John turns to his brother, not sure what to say to him.  
"I know" replies Joseph, changing the subject. "I know of Jacob's plan, but the proof was not addressed to you or me, even if the shock made you go back. The test was for Joshua, he made a spontaneous decision to save me and this enhances our agreement more".  
John sighs and nods then leans back on the bed.  
"Have you already contacted the sheriff?".  
“Yes, he know what happened to Joshua, but he will stay with us to avoid escalating the conflicts between the two factions. Jacob, Faith and I are deciding who should go to prison to talk to the sheriff and work on ending the war".  
"I'll go there..." John says, heading for his brother.  
"Don't you want to rest and stand by Joshua's side?".  
“No, the deputy is safe here, I would go crazy in standing still. And don't worry about me, Joe, some food and I'll be fine".  
"Are you sure?".  
"Yes, I have to get my coat back".


	11. I'm back, Sinners!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Baptist returns, but there is something different about him.

Tracey is fiddling with her MP3 player, while Earl stares at the courtyard. Everyone is waiting for the representative of Eden's Gate and the nerves are on the skin. Tracey hopes that Joseph will not send Faith, because she is not sure if she will not strangling her.  
Cars and trucks are approaching, the sheriff's radio crackling beside him.  
"Fuck, Earl!" one of the guards at the gate yells.  
"What's up?".  
"John Seed is alive! I thought Rook had killed him!".  
The sheriff sighs running a hand over his face, observes Tracey who has downcast eyes and clenches his fists.  
"I'm coming" he says not sure what he will feel when he sees the youngest of the Seed.  
"When did it happen?" asks Tracey thinking that she hasn't seen her Little Blue for about a week.  
"Five days ago" Whitehorse replies.  
Tracey grabs a paperweight from desk and slams it against the wall "Didn't you think it would have been better to tell me?!".  
“I wanted to make sure he was fine, that the transformation hadn't had any side effects. I didn't think Joseph sent him".  
Tracey growls at him "Fuck Earl!" he exclaims as he leaves the room like a hurricane.

Rifles aimed at him and his men, John has his impeccable and elegant appearance. An earring in the shape of the cross of Eden on the left ear, a black shirt and blue trousers like his eyes with simple, yet elegant shoes.  
Earl stops abruptly and watches him, John remains indifferent "Sheriff" greets him with a slight smile.  
"John... how are you?".  
"Well, despite everything".  
"Vice news?".  
"Joshua" does not escape Earl as the Baptist pronounces the name gently, "He is still dormant, but his condition remains stable".  
Earl nods and is about to turn around when John starts talking "If they change, you will be the first to know".  
The sheriff looks at him in surprise, the Baptist places a hand on his shoulder, while he passes him to enter the prison "Come, we have a lot to discuss".  
The eyes of the members of the Resistance are between hatred, confusion and fear, John Seed passes between them like a ghost.  
The faithful remained at the entrance by order of John, to demonstrate their good faith and initiative in this alliance.  
From one of the corridors Boomer runs outside like a fury, with his tongue hanging out and wagging his tail. Before Earl can stop him, the dog jumps on the Baptist throwing him on the ground and starting to lick his face.  
John is stunned, while Boomer continues to lick and rub on him. Resistance members witness the scene completely amazed.  
"Boom...?" John whispers and the sheriff sees how blue eyes widen in recognition.  
"It's been sad since Joshua left" Earl smiles as he sees the Baptist hugging and stroking the dog.  
"Hey Boom" John whispers "I missed you".  
The blue-eyed man becomes serious again as he sees the spectators staring at him with suspicion, clears his throat by getting up and waving the sheriff to go on.  
They walk through the rooms to the control room with Boomer who doesn't intend to leave John's side.  
They are finally left alone and Earl sighs not sure how to start this conversation "What do you remember of these last weeks?" the sheriff chooses the question.  
John snorts a laugh sitting down and stroking the map, it's the same as Earl showed him when he was a child...  
"Very..." he replies honestly "Not all, but very...".  
"What are you going to do with Joshua?".  
The Baptist sighs carelessly stroking Boomer "I don't know, I think we'll have to talk when he wakes up".  
"He's in love with you" Earl says bluntly. "I think he's always been in love with you".  
"I don't know what to do with this word... love..." John reflects "I just know that a guy like Joshua deserves better".  
The sheriff shrugs. “Don't belittle yourself, Johnny, Joshua is not as naive as he might seem. When he wakes up you should talk about that, Joshua is not a liar and you can see through lies".  
Earl approaches John cautiously and raises his face so that their eyes collide. The sheriff smiles sweetly at the uncertain expression of the Baptist. "There he is..." he whispers looking at the blue irises "That child is still there. I think Joshua saw it from the beginning".  
John pushes Earl's hand completely skeptical of that statement.  
"We are here to talk about the end of the war, not about having a sleepover".

They talk about the breakdown of outposts and friction in other regions. Jerome seems open to dialogue, but if John had gone they would have beheaded him. The most problematic region was that of the Whitetails, Eli would have been difficult to approach, he was the most paranoid and suspicious among the members of the Resistance.  
Eventually they agreed on some escorts and the release of the prisoners, but before accepting this agreement, John will have to refer to Joseph to inform him of everything.  
"Do you mind if I take Boomer with me?" John asks "I'm sure Joshua will be happy to see him when he wakes up".  
"Of course, I think Boomer agrees too" smiles Earl as the dog wags his tail happy with the proposal.  
"Where's Tracey?" the words escape John's lips.  
The sheriff is surprised by the question "She... I don't know if she wants to see you...".  
"But it'll be bad if I don't even try to find it".  
"You really remember her well, don't you?".  
"Yes... she, Boomer and you are what I remember best about this place".  
Earl nods "Find her hiding on the prison roof".  
John nods gratefully out of the room. "Thanks Sheriff, you'll hear from me soon".  
The Baptist suddenly stops his journey "Earl..." turns slowly looking at the older man "Thank you for all you have done for me".  
"I should thank you" replies the honest sheriff. "That blue-eyed child brought some sun into these walls".  
John bites his lip surprised by these words.  
"We missed you, Little Blue".

Tracey is sitting on the edge of the roof waiting for those fucking religious fanatics to leave. She turns her thumbs nervously while biting her lip.  
"If you keep getting excited like this you will fall below".  
The sound of her voice makes her jump and turns to see John leaning against the entrance to the roof, he has a mischievous smile and Tracey wants to punch him in the face. She snarls at him, turning to ignore him.  
This behavior makes John smile more, it is just as he remembered it, he cautiously slips near her admiring the landscape. The Baptist does not lack the growing tension on the young woman's shoulders.  
Eventually he gives up "What the fuck do you want Seed?!" he asks growling and looking at him out of the corner of his eye.  
"I wanted to see how you were" John answers honestly.  
"Bullshit!" she says scornfully "Don't you have to rip someone's skin off ?! Or take a farm with your magical legal bullshit?!".  
John sighs resting his arms on the concrete railing "No... I don't want to do it".  
The statement surprises Tracey who now turns to look at him "Why?".  
"Since I woke up, I have been more confused... these past few weeks have been like a beautiful dream, as well as memories".  
John intently see the horizon. "I look back at first, and I don't know if I want to be that man anymore... when I think back on what I was doing, I feel tired and I realize that I have always been from the beginning. Tired of being the perfect lawyer, the perfect brother, the perfect friend, the perfect herald...".  
Tracey lightly touches his shoulder, he doesn't know why he's doing it, but the gesture seems to relax John, "I read your brother's book when Joshua told me who really was our Little Blue".  
The Baptist turns to look at her "Yes, it's a 'fucking shitty shit'" he says imitating Tracey's voice.  
The girl smiles a little and then clears her throat by removing her hand from John's shoulder, incredulous that she has comforted him.  
"You didn't deserve what they did to you" she says honestly "Nobody deserves such a thing, especially a child".  
John bites his lip looking away.  
"You have worn so many masks that you no longer know what you really want or who you really are" continues Tracey "And I think you have always been tired of it and now, after the dream of Little Blue, you have realized it".  
The Baptist sighs, rubbing his eyes and then pulling a small portable radio out of his belt, rests it on Tracey's legs.  
"Frequency 37" he says, rubbing his neck "Rachel also misses you a lot."  
The young woman's eyes frown, then snort without answering.  
John winks amused "See you Tracey".  
He takes a couple of steps to the exit, but then the young woman calls him "John?!".  
The Baptist turns, while Tracey has risen from her seat by inserting the small radio in the large pocket of her sweatshirt.  
The young woman approaches undecided, but then wraps John in an embrace and realizes how taller and wider he is now. The Baptist is stunned, but then reciprocates by gently stroking his back.  
"If you tell anyone about this" she murmurs "I'll insert the pole of your cross where the sun doesn't beat".  
John snorts a laugh "My lips are sealed".  
They release the embrace "Why did you do it?".  
Tracey shrugs "I wanted to know if it was different, like when I hugged Little Blue".  
"And it is...?"  
"No" she replies sincerely "You are now longer and wider than me, but the feeling is the same" Tracey pauses from his speech to find the right word "Tenderness...".  
John nods giving her a small sweet smile, the thing is mutual.  
"Anyway if I contact Rachel," suggests the young woman "You have to do something in return".  
The Baptist raises an eyebrow interested in the proposal.ù  
"Joshua is a virgin and I know he wants your ass" Tracey speaks quickly.  
John opens his mouth slightly surprised.  
"I know he had many erotic dreams about you as he hugged that stupid coat in his sleep" continues Tracey "So make his first time unforgettable, be nice to him".  
John smiles affectionately "I promise you", then raises his eyebrows "By the way, do you know where...".  
"In Rook's cell" she replies "A black gym bag, you will find all your things there".

John makes a small detour with Boomer trotting by his side, they arrive at Joshua's cell. The Baptist stops to press a hand on the bed thinking about how many times they slept together on this cot.  
John's eyes immediately find the black duffel bag and he opens it being surprised to find all the clothes he was wearing on the day his plane crashed. The shoes, the blue shirt with the vest, the black jeans and, above all, his beloved coat with the blue sunglasses and the silver earring.  
Now to what he sought and did what he had to, but before returning to the Joseph complex, he had to make another stop.

Kim is enjoying the hot summer afternoon, Carmina sleeps blissfully in the cradle next to her, and smiles when she hears Nick swearing from the hangar against the yellow plane.  
Everything is quiet, the whole county seems to be stalled by hearing the news on the radio. Joshua had succeeded, Eden and the Resistance are looking for a meeting place, Kim wonders how are Rook and Johnny.  
The woman's thoughts are interrupted by the arrival of a car and Kim is alarmed as she observes a white van from Eden entering the driveway.  
The thing that she finds strange is that there are no armed guards, only one person driving and boxes of food and items for babies.  
The door opens and Kim is surprised to see Boomer coming out first and is convinced that the driver is Joshua.  
He goes down the steps of the porch giving caresses to the dog, but then... his eyes widen and his body becomes paralyzed as he identifies the man who is approaching cautiously.  
John raises his hands to show her that he is unarmed "Hey" greets you uncertain of what to say "I'm sorry for all the bullshit I did to you and Nick".  
He gestures directly to the truck "I took some things from my bunker for you and the baby girl".  
Kim shakes her head in disbelief "But how... how are you...?".  
John explains briefly what happened to get him back. During the story the man slowly approach her, Kim takes his face in his hands studying he.  
"It's nice to see you again..." she says honestly.  
"I missed you a lot" he smiles and then give her a quick hug that is reciprocated.  
Kim points to the hangar "I'm not the one to deal with".  
"I know, I cheated on him".  
"He tried to hate you, but he never did".  
John nods Kim gratefully to join the pilot and leaving Boomer with the woman.  
Nick is close to the hangar, fighting against Carmina's propeller, cursing and screaming at the tight bolts.  
"You'd better put some strength with your weight, putting your foot on the bolt-oversight" John says.  
Nick's body freezes and turns slowly, observing the Baptist as if he were having a heart attack.  
"Yes, I did this effect to a couple of people today".  
First shock and then Nick's expression becomes angry, he approaches John with long steps and then punches him in the face.  
John falls to the ground with his lip split and a long cut under his right eye. Nick wants to scream at him, blaspheme against him or hit him, instead he stares at him with a lump in his throat and his eyes burning.  
"I know!" John speaks first “I know I'm a monster! I know I don't deserve your friendship! I betrayed you! If you want to hit me I won't react!".  
John's fingers grasp the dusty ground, his chest trembles and an emotion he has held for more than a year is coming out like tears on his face.  
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry I got angry and quarreled! To have spread slanders throughout the county! To have taken your plane! To have…” a sob escapes from John's throat interrupting his words.  
Nick kneels in front of him grabbing his face to caress the warm tears "You are a jerk" he says and then drag him into an embrace "I'm so pissed at you" the pilot growls, while John grabs him firmly.  
"It will take me a while to get through" Nick continues "But... I missed you Johnny".  
"You too...".  
The two men remain like this for a while, then slowly separate from each other. Nick helps John get up.  
"I have to show you something"  
They move to the second hangar, a large sheet covers something big.  
John frowns as Nick begins to remove the sheet and the Baptist opens his mouth completely displaced by what he sees.  
Incredulously he touches the silver-blue metal of an Affirmation wing.  
"I don't know how, but the engine is intact," Nick explains. "The wings and propeller have the greatest damage, but I think we can fix it together".  
"When?" John asks incredulously.  
“About a couple of days after your fall, a certain Tweak was feeling guilty about something and brought it to me. I think he wanted me to fix it and then give it back, I understood the reason for his gesture when I understood who our Little Blue was. Tweak felt guilty for making you a 5 year old".  
"6 years" points out John making Nick laugh.  
They talk for a long time, there is a beautiful wound that will heal slowly, but it will take time.  
When the sun sets, they decide to come back, John helps Nick unload the vehicle.  
"Do you want to stop for dinner?" Nick asks putting the last box near the porch.  
"No, I have to go back to the complex to talk to Joseph about the meeting with the sheriff and...".  
"You see how Joshua is" Nick finishes for him.  
The Baptist nods.  
"I won't ask you how you feel about him, because I know you're an emotional mess, but I'll tell you something".  
"Joshua is in love with me" John finishes this time. "They already told me and reminds me of when he confessed to a 6-year-old boy that he loved the blue-eyed man in the photograph, the one you gave him".  
Nick sighs "I'm happy if he can love you in a way that Kim and I couldn't, like someone you want to spend the rest of your life with".  
"I think about it every damn moment since I woke up, it's not easy for me".  
Nick puts a hand on his shoulder "You have my support, always if you don't start kidnapping or robbing people again".  
Both laugh and observe the sunset in pleasant silence.

It's about 11 in the evening and he finds John near Joshua's bed with a big book in his hands. Incompetents! They had messed up keeping track of stocks!  
John massages his neck by placing his gaze on Boomer who is blissfully asleep on a large pillow in the corner of the room, then turns to look at the sleeping blond and stretches out his hand to brush the scars with his fingers. Joshua is a virgin, but if his father did this to him just for kissing a boy, he would have been afraid to go further with anyone.  
John represses a yawn by returning to his job, many things to do and quite a bit to recover from his 'vacation'.  
The pen is the only noise in the room and John is so focused that he doesn't notice the small noise coming out of Joshua's lips.  
The calculations of the current page are almost finished, when something hot and rough touches his beard on the left side of his face.  
John turns surprised to find Joshua awake, but with heavy dark circles, his fingers touch the face of the Baptist.  
John puts the book aside, gently grasping Joshua's wrist, tries to say something, but Rook slips his hand into that of the blue-eyed man with his fingers intertwined, while the deputy's body turns completely towards him.  
Joshua remains silent and drags John's hand towards his face giving him a small kiss, then closes his eyes with a small smile on his lips.  
John approached him and strokes his hair with his free hand.  
"Hey..." the Baptist whispers to him "I'm here...".  
The Baptist rests his face on the edge of the bed watching the deputy sleep and gradually he falls asleep too, their fingers still entwined.


	12. Joshua's heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joshua makes the most important confession of his life

Early in the morning Jacob finds them that way: John asleep on the side of the bed and his fingers clenched on one of Joshua's hands. The major Seed looks at the scene with a raised eyebrow and then shakes his brother's shoulder.  
John moans feeling his neck and back stiff from the uncomfortable position with which he slept, holds a yawn remembering where he is.  
"You shouldn't sleep like this, but in a real bed" Jacob instructs him.  
John hesitantly leaves Joshua's hand, the deputy is still asleep, and turns to his brother.  
"There was backlog" he says, pointing to the account book that was put aside the night before.  
"You don't have to kill yourself, John, or I've got to put you in a bed with this lemur".  
John laughs ironically "The fact is that when it comes to accounting and warehouse, I seem to be the only one doing decent work".  
"Because it's a breaking of balls" Jacob shrugs bluntly.  
They both laugh, but then a grim expression appears on the veteran's face and lowers his eyes to the floor.  
"John..." speaks uncertainly "Do you think I look like our father?".  
The Baptist's eyes widen snapped, he rises with such force and speed as to scrape the chair on the floor.  
"Absolutely not!" he says convinced.  
Jacob sighs "It 's that... when I went to the Rye and beat Rook, you started crying and screaming to stop me and you said 'dad' several times".  
John sighs approaching his brother "I don't remember that moment well, I only know that a man who was physically similar to our father beat a person who was taking care of me".  
John grabs his older brother's arm “At that moment I didn't see Joshua on the ground and bleeding, you were there. There was my 15 year old brother who was being beaten for me".  
Jacob puts his hands on John's shoulders looking him in the eye.  
"You are not like him" says the Baptist "You will never be like him", wraps his arms around the veteran and they hug in a tender embrace.  
They remain like this for some time, it is rare that they open themselves to one another.  
"Could I have popcorn?" Joshua's croaking voice comes from the bed "I think I'm still in a coma, because I'm witnessing a surreal scene".  
The two Seeds loosen the embrace looking at the deputy sitting on the bed: he still has dark circles on his face and a worn look, but better than how John saw him the night before.  
"I would expect such a sweet scene from Faith and Joseph, but you two..." he continues to comment with a stupid smile on his face.  
Jacob seems to want to growl at him, while John misses his breath overwhelmed by a thousand emotions, above all relief and fear.  
Jacob looks at each other and then snorts "I'm going to get you something to eat".  
"Don't spit on my plate!" Joshua tells him.  
The veteran is leaving the room "Don't tempt me!".  
A strange silence falls between the two younger men, John sighs slowly approaching the blond's bed.  
"But..." Joshua observes him carefully. "You grew up Little Blue" he says jokingly.  
John snorts a laugh "Yes... seeing your bleeding body made me so traumatized that I 'woke up'".  
Joshua's hand flies towards the back, causing a painful groan "What is...?".  
"A whole Jacob's plan to evaluate your honesty for the pact between Eden and the Resistance and probably also an attempt to bring me back".  
"Oh..." Joshua exclaims, but in a way he's not surprised "Maybe it's better not to tell the other members of the Resistance".  
"Aren't you angry?".  
Rook shrugs "With all the mess I've made, I can't be the one to judge his methods".  
John sat down next to the bed again.  
"But is your brother so sweet to everyone or am I a special case?" Joshua asks laughing.  
John smiles shaking his head "You are a very special case". They remain in an awkward silence for about a minute, they don't know what to say and how to start.  
"He got you back" Joshua says eventually. "That's what matters".  
"Why does it matter so much?" the question escapes from John's lips.  
Joshua frowns.  
“You could have dumped me somewhere and taken away a problem, instead you chose to take care of me. To protect me. To stay close to me".  
"Because you were a lonely and frightened child" he replies "I immediately became attached to my Little Blue and he made me notice something".  
John leans over to him "To what?".  
"How much I missed you" Rook replies in one breath, takes the hand of the Baptist cautiously and looks at him surprised.  
"I missed the sound of your voice, I missed your harassment on the radio and also that spicy and unpredictable character of yours".  
Joshua takes a deep breath, John got closer, “I think I made a film about you, but then Nick told me about your relationship before that terrible quarrel and my brain realized what the my heart has understood for some time".  
The blonde strokes his hand with his fingers “I understood that the successful lawyer, the Baptist, Joseph and Jacob's brother were all masks. I wanted to break those masks and there was no better occasion to get to know you through the innocence of Little Blue, without the darkness that enveloped you growing up".  
Touch John's face even closer to him “I see that baby in here, but it was immature and stupid to fall in love with him, because that baby is only a part of you. When Jacob punched me and you screamed desperately, I realized I wanted everything else. Your darkness, helping you share or endure bad memories, kissing your scars and caress through your tattoos".  
John didn't realize he was shaking until he grabs Joshua's hand, the one that is touching his face, "You are completely crazy!" he suddenly shouts, anger that seethes from his stomach "Nick can barely stand me, how can you love me !? Do you know what love means!?”.  
Joshua does not get angry at the wrist that is tightened tightly or becomes sad by John's words. In the end he smiles so sunny that the Baptist's breath stops in his throat.  
“You are afraid that I am lying, that in the end I reject you. I seem to have explained to you what the meaning of love for me is".  
The blonde grabs John's shoulders freeing himself from the other's grip and brings him closer. “I saw how you are in the whole, full of jagged and sharp edges, but hungry for affection and need. I have seen the whole of what they have made you become and what you are... and it is perfect".  
John's mouth and eyes opens wide, takes a deep breath and then grabs Joshua's shoulders with trembling fingers.  
"I will hurt you, sooner or later I will hurt you in any case, I never think I deserve something beautiful and when it happens I tear it to pieces".  
Joshua joins their foreheads together "I will endure" he says absolutely sincere and determined "I don't care what the price is, I will bear. And, don't worry, I don't intend to remain inert there will be compromises, but I swear on my own life that I don't intend to give up. I'll take everything you give me, even if it's scars or tattoos".  
"Why?!" the question eludes between a scream of anger and a sob of anguish.  
"Because I love you".  
John seems to be breathing again, hearing him say it from others is one thing, hearing him say it from Joshua, while he look him in the eyes, is another.  
The Baptist does not speak, he does not know whether to respond in the same way, he does not know if that feeling towards Joshua is also real for him.  
In the end it joins their lips together. A long kiss has become more kisses, one hungrier than the other.  
Despite his condition, Joshua drags John to the bed without either of them detaching himself from the other. Rook opens John's shirt by passing his hands over his entire chest and shoulder blades, while the Baptist is above him, putting his hands under the medical apron and passing them between the hips and the back of the blonde and making him shiver.  
John smiles biting his lip and then kisses his neck for a deep bruise, while Joshua runs a hand through his hair and the other tries to open his belt.  
"For God's sake!".  
Both men stop and turn slowly. Jacob is at the door with his eyes closed and two trays in his hand.  
"Get off there!" he says between anger and embarrassment.  
"Think if we were naked" jokes Joshua as John gets out of bed.  
The hold on Jacob's trays tightens and restrains insulting the deputy.  
"Joseph wants you" says the veteran to the Baptist, placing the food in the hands of the younger men, and then leaving with a last murderous look at Joshua.  
The two men exchange a look and then burst out laughing.  
"Why do I know it won't be the last time he enters the room the moment we sinfully touch each other?" Joshua jokes starting to eat, in that moment he hears a moan.  
Boomer is awake and looks at the two men with huge eyes, both sigh and throw him a piece of chicken.  
"What is Boomer doing here?".  
"I met him in prison and I thought you wanted to keep him with you, to feel more comfortable until you recovered".  
Joshua smiles "Thanks John for the efforts you and your family are making".  
"Don't thank me, the main reason for my trip to prison was that I had to take my coat back".


	13. An act of faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joshua talks to Joseph and gets another baptism

Joshua recovers quickly enough, Jacob seems to be the most careful in controlling him, probably because he felt guilty for what he had done to him.  
John served as an emissary in the Handbane, while Faith was in charge of Holland Valley, it would have been more difficult to convince Eli for a meeting when it concerned the Whitetails.  
Joshua does not often see the Baptist because he is busy either repairing things with the Resistance or taking care of supplies for Eden.  
The deputy talks to the leaders of the Resistance through the radio to soften relations, as soon as he has recovered he will have to participate in the meetings.  
"Today you can leave the complex" Joseph tells him, they are both sitting on the porch of the infirmary. "You are strong enough to begin your tasks to join the factions".  
"Are you asking me to do only this?".  
"You are not my slave, Rook, you are now part of our project and soon a member of our family".  
Joshua swallows, feels uncomfortable talking about the relationship with John with anyone, especially his brothers. More than anything they have been very little together with everything there is to do and John needs time to think. It is a new thing for him to be loved in this way and, in the end, it is new for Joshua too.  
"I know you need time, you and John" Joseph's voice reaches his thoughts "And I know you are mature enough to make the agreement between us and the Resistance come first".  
"You don't want..." Joshua speaks shyly, the Father has always put him in awe "You don't want me to start atoning? Or confession?".  
Joseph smiles calmly "Atonement and confession can wait, but I ask you to do something before starting to act as an emissary between the two factions".  
Joshua listens carefully.  
"I think you have to do a new baptism".  
The deputy's forehead furrows and looks at the lake on the horizon.  
"The same hands will do your baptism, but those hands have a different heart now".  
Joshua nods biting his lip "There is one thing I have to tell you."  
Joseph turns to look at him interested "Is it John?".  
"No... these are some of the dreams I've had recently, that is, since I've been here at your complex".  
The Father remains silent, while Joshua sighs and starts talking again.  
"I dream of the fire... I dream of the beautiful panorama of the County being swallowed up by the fire, the people who scream and cry...".  
Joseph puts a hand on his shoulder, only then does he realize that he is shaking.  
"The collapse..." Joshua whispers with a breath "That was the collapse...".  
The Father nods with sad eyes... sad... how did Rook not notice them before? Little Blue said that Joseph had 'eyes like Mommy's', blue and sad.  
And for the first time Joshua sees through the facade of the preacher, he sees a man who tries to be strong for his family and his flock, but who is terrified of the future. The human doubt as to whether God is really speaking to him, the fear of losing his brothers, the fear that in the end Eden does not exist.  
Instinctively Joshua grabs Joseph's arm and, he doesn't know why, approaches him and then embraces him.  
"I'm sorry..." he whispers, he doesn't really know what he's apologizing for. Having messed up Eden? Killing so many people? Having fallen in love with John? The illusion that their love could change something? Are you sorry that Joseph had to endure all this since he was a child?  
Joshua doesn't know... he only knows that now he feels part of something, something bigger than him. He only knows that the idea of having a family again is a wish he has had since the fire that destroyed his life in Kansas.  
"God's will is great and we can't really understand it" Joseph whispers stroking Rook's head "He just wants love to guide our hearts, but sometimes doing horrible things can be the only way to save our souls".  
"But if love is the only way through God" Joshua speaks instinctively. "We can't use it to convince people of the end, to make them believe".  
Joseph sighs by loosening the hug “I tried, Rook, the truth is that there is too much fear in thinking that the world can end. Every human being is habitual to his own life and chaos is generated when he tries to change his vision of life. And unfortunately there is no more time...".  
"I will do it" Joshua speaks surprising Joseph "I want to do it...".  
Joseph smiles taking his face in his hands "You can always try...".  
Rook nods and both return to look at the panorama of the complex with the lighter heart.

It's sunset when Joshua arrives at the ranch, John is waiting for him with the white book in his hand and is dressed in the same way as their last baptism. Rook doesn't know if he finds this disturbing or intriguing detail.  
John gives him a big smile, they don't exchange kisses or hugs, it's still all new for both and, to be honest, Joshua doesn't know whether touching the Baptist affectionately in front of the faithful or members of the Resistance is a good idea.  
They leave Boomer on the porch and head towards the boathouse, the sky is slowly clouding over.  
"I see you've recovered" John says, gesturing for him to follow.  
"I would say yes, now I have the bullet hole scar on a shoulder blade and the doctors said I'm lucky I wasn't paralyzed".  
John's hand flies towards the point on his back, his fingers gently press massaging him skin.  
Joshua's face turns red, while a mischievous smile is born on John's face.  
Rook clears his throat "And... you? How is it going?".  
John tells him how difficult it was to open a dialogue with Eli and as a sign of good faith Jacob freed all men under his control, including Staci. Deputy Pratt seemed to have adapted well under Jacob, but Joshua isn't sure whether to be worried or relieved.  
He had avoided the mountains like the plague, terrified of the stories about what Jacob was doing despite having freed the outposts, the ones closest to the regions of Faith and John. Joshua will never forget how he ran away from Jacob's hunters by hiding in the river and risk drowning several times. He doesn't dare to imagine what would have happened to him if he had been captured by Jacob and feels guilty for neglecting Staci. He also feels cowardly for giving priority to the sheriff and Joey while not having to deal with Jacob.  
They arrive at the boathouse.  
"Just us?" Joshua asks, while John takes off his shoes.  
"I thought you wanted some privacy" John replies.  
In fact he is not wrong and then they have been very little time together these days.  
Joshua imitates John by taking off his boots and then both enter the water.  
John opens the white book and begins to preach, Joshua doesn't really listen to it, he fixes his lips and his concentrated eyes.  
The heat blooms in Joshua's stomach and knows that a stupid smile has formed on his lips. The Baptist speaks in a loud and clear voice, but without screaming. His body is calm and relaxed, Joshua has never seen him like this and he loves it.  
John closes the book by setting it under his right arm and turning to Joshua.  
"Are you ready to accept the word of Joseph in your heart and be purified?".  
"Yes" the deputy replies without hesitation and staring at those blue eyes that flash at the sound of the affirmative word.  
"Do you trust me?" the Baptist whispers placing his hands on Joshua's shoulders.  
"Yes".  
Gently John pushes him underwater and Rook stares at his distorted reflection. Despite the cold water, the warmth of John's hands reaches him making him feel good.  
The world below seems to stop: here there is no war, there are no fears, there are no killer animals that want its skin. There's only John's hold and Joshua doesn't want it to end. He wants the Baptist's hands on him, like this, forever, but in the end John's fingers drag him back to the surface and now Joshua blinks and finds himself kneeling in front of him.  
John moves his lips, probably continuing his prayer, but the only thing the deputy feels are his fingers on his forehead which trace the eight-pointed cross of Eden's Gate.  
When John pulls his hand away, Joshua grabs his wrist. The Baptist frowns at him, but Rook grabs the wrist of the other hand and stands up with his lips a few centimeters from the other's. The hands move on the palms of the other intertwining his fingers, their lips are about to touch, when thunder makes them jump and a cascade of ice water invests them.  
Joshua wants to swear, why must there always be something?! Like in his dreams!  
John drags him out of the river, they both retrieve their shoes heading for the boathouse. The two men, completely wet, watch the pouring rain invade the whole landscape with thunder and lightning.  
"He's too strong," Joshua reflects. "Better wait".  
"It could last all night" John bites his lip looking at the black sky.  
Both realize that they are still holding hands, the red rises on Rook's cheeks and slowly leaves the Baptist's hand to explore the boathouse.  
Joshua manages to find some blankets in one of the lockers. He is about to warn John, but when he turns his mouth it opens wide. John is shirtless and is taking off his pants.  
"What are you doing?" Joshua stutters.  
"I don't intend to stay in wet clothes, Joshua, I don't want to get sick".  
Joshua almost laughs as he observes the blue and yellow briefs with many small planes, who knows why he is not surprised.  
In the end he follows the example of the Baptist, also remaining with only his military green briefs. Meanwhile, John retrieves the blankets and Rook's eyes run through the horrible scars on the back of the man he loves, the urge to kiss them is very strong.  
Both wrap themselves in a blanket and sit staring at the pouring rain on the river.  
"Damned storm!" the Baptist growls "We are stuck here and I have a lot of backlog".  
"Do you always work?" Joshua asks.  
"Collapse does not prepare itself, I have to fight my laziness".  
“Ok, but so you kill yourself. You think you are not enough and instead you are the one who works most of all in Eden”.  
John snorts a laugh "I have a duty to my family."  
“I don't talk about not respecting your duties, but every now and then it is right to take a break, to enjoy moments like this. It is a great fortune for me now".  
"And why?".  
"Because I can be with you for a while...." he replies shyly.  
"You're so innocent, despite being a killing machine" John replies with a tender smile.  
Joshua turns red for the millionth time, God! He had never had sex with anyone after his father's violence. His unconscious has always been afraid to connect with someone or, perhaps, he was expecting John.  
The Baptist's hand rests on Joshua's cheek pulling him out of his thoughts. Their faces so close...  
"Everything about you confuses me" John says, looking at every inch of the blonde's body.  
"And is it so bad?".  
"I don't know, I'm also confused by this".  
"In this case it is better to follow the instinct..." Joshua cuts the distance between them.  
Finally Rook was able to savor his lips without being interrupted by anyone, his beard tickles his cheeks and his hands begin to touch the Baptist's skin.  
John pulls back "Josh... I made a promise".  
Joshua's eyes widen "A vow of chastity?".  
The blue-eyed man snorts a laugh "No, Tracey told me you're a virgin".  
"How does everyone know?".  
"Anyway, I want it to be special".  
Joshua laughs “Look around. We are warm, with the pouring rain in the background and I love this sound. Of course, we are not in a luxury hotel, but we are alone and I am very comfortable" he says sincerely.  
John seems undecided and nervous with his hands, a gesture that reminds the deputy of his Little Blue.  
“You had everything prepared, right? What? Rose petals throughout the ranch with candles and champagne".  
The Baptist makes an embarrassed face that reminds Joshua even more of his childhood self.  
"Oh God! You really did!".  
"Don't be absurd" smiles mischievously John "I had made some chocolate milk, I know you don't like alcohol".  
The heat in Joshua's stomach increases and the blonde gives him another kiss and then pushes John on the back.  
"For me, that chocolate milk is worth more than all Montana gold".  
"Wanna do it? Now? With me?" asks the Baptist, passing his hands on the deputy's back.  
“Only if you want it too. I already told you how I feel about you, I love you John Seed".


	14. John's innocence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John has a strange dream and the bond between him and Joshua deepens

John is walking in the middle of a corn field, the day is bright and the air smells like summer.  
He hears the sounds of laughter from children around him, John follows them until he comes out to a simple but beautiful farm.  
A blond boy is sitting on the porch, when he looks up at him he smiles.  
"John!" he greets him cheerfully by waving his hand.  
The Baptist knows that it is Joshua and is about to answer him, when something touches his side, his younger self stares at him smiling.  
Little Blue takes his hand and drags him to the farm.  
John doesn't move, he kneels in front of him taking his face in his hands "I'm sorry I disappointed you...". Her innocence... he has never been able to protect her.  
Little Blue grabs the hands of the Baptist "Now we have who protects us...".  
The two turn to the porch, little Joshua gestures for him to join him.  
"And we..." Little Blue continues, staring at his adult self. "We have to take care of him. It is more fragile than it seems".  
The Baptist nods in agreement by moving his hands on the child's shoulders.  
"Do you promise me...?".  
"Yes..." John answers honestly.  
Little Blue smiles a little "This is really one of those things where you can say 'yes'".  
What was this? The line for a new life? Another road that opens up?  
John's grip on the child tightens.  
"Let me go..." says Little Blue in a tone in which he looks like the adult.  
"You have been all I had for a long time" confesses John "And you have been torn apart for this... you are my past... my innocence... and I have hurt you too... I hated you! I always thought there was something wrong with me... ".  
The child embraces him tightly “Now you are no longer alone. Joe and Jake are with us. And now there's Joshua".  
When Little Blue unties the embrace, he places his small fingers on John's cheeks and the Baptist realizes that he is crying.  
"Don't worry I will always be a part of you, but now leave the past behind and walk the way...".  
Little Blue points to the farm, little Joshua watches them impatiently and at the same time excited.  
"Don't leave him" says the boy in an almost pleading tone "Do you promise me?".  
"Yes..." John whispers sincerely and knows he owes it to him.  
"We will take care of him and he will take care of us...".  
"Yes..." replies the Baptist again.  
Little Blue laughs, his face completely sunny, as he grabs John's hand by dragging him towards the farm... towards Joshua...

John blinks as he looks at the bright ceiling of the boathouse. Something moist is resting between his navel and stomach, he lowers his gaze and almost laughs to see Joshua with his mouth open on his abdomen and with his arms tight around his hips. He has a happy and serene expression, he makes a lot of tenderness to John.  
He strokes the blond hair and Joshua makes a muffled noise with his mouth, wakes up slowly looking like a ruffled cat.  
As soon as he sees John's face, a bright smile opens on his face.  
"Thank goodness..." the deputy whispers resting his face on the Baptist's chest "I thought it was a dream".  
"The sex? The war?" John teases him.  
"The sex... and all this" Joshua replies kissing his skin and then smelling his smell.  
John strokes his head as if he were a puppy.  
"I love you" the words come out of his instinctive mouth, but he doesn't regret it in the least.  
Joshua's eyes widen in surprise and the expression he makes is so adorable and tender as to make John smile. He grabs it so that they exchange a deep kiss.  
Joshua's cheeks are completely red when they separate from each other and he makes a smile so stupid as to make John laugh.  
The Baptist realizes that they are night and day, two different people yet perfectly fit together.  
Eventually Joshua rolls away from him to look for their clothes.  
"Are we done already?" John asks with false disappointment.  
"And..." replies the deputy shy "I'm hungry... you're not hungry?".  
John is about to respond when his stomach growls saying his opinion.  
"A little..." at the end he says "I'm a mess in the kitchen, I warn you".  
Joshua hands him the clothes "Leave it to me".  
"That's my shirt" John notes as the deputy puts on the blue garment.  
"I know..." he says spitefully "I don't want to get your smell off me for any reason".  
John snorts and hides his blush.  
"And then" Joshua continues "If you fall and break your neck as we return to the ranch, I will always keep this shirt with me as a keepsake".  
Rook's shirt collides against his face "If I die, I will make sure that you are buried with me" John replies with a smile that makes Joshua understand that he is not joking.  
The deputy swallows anxiously and then smiles like an idiot.  
"What's up?" John asks with a frown.  
"I missed your threats" he says moved.

Joshua was truly surprised to find flower petals that formed a path to John's bedroom. The Baptist says nothing, merely indicates to the deputy where the kitchen is located and then begins to clean the petals, with Boomer turning around him.  
Joshua always liked to cook, he was also quite good. Of course, it would be easier if suddenly a cat in need of affection had not arrived and started to put the hands under his shirt and rubbing his face in his neck. Joshua has a hard time holding back the laughter, that stupid beard tickles him, but in the end he manages to distract John by telling him to give something to Boomer, who is looking at them with large and pleading eyes.  
After five minutes, Boomer is munching a huge bone. And two omelets are placed in two dishes together with crispy bacon and two slices of toasted bread with a little butter on top.  
The ranch kitchen is gorgeous and has all the utensils that Joshua can only dream of.  
"How can you have such a fantastic kitchen if you don't cook?".  
"Joseph usually cooks" says John, taking a bite from his plate and closing his eyes in ecstasy.  
"It's good?" Joshua asks, thinking of his Little Blue who was devouring his Waffles and getting dirty with chocolate.  
John nods without stopping to eat and the deputy follows him with his eyes. Watch with amusement how the feared Baptist eats his breakfast with pleasure. Joshua carefully watches the tattoos on the arms of the man he loves and then his mouth moves.  
"Maybe I should have a tattoo".  
The toast that John is about to bite is stuck in midair and stares at the confused blonde, not sure if he heard correctly.  
Joshua looks down nervously "I thought... since you are good with tattoos and I know that sooner or later you will mark me, you could do it with a tattoo that represents our relationship or that represents you...".  
The toast is rested on the plate and John remains silent with his eyes half closed towards the blonde.  
Joshua clears his throat "Since it seems that we are a couple and so far he's doing all right... I know that our relationship is still a newborn chick" Rook is getting more and more nervous with every word "Leave it alone, you pretend that i said nothing".  
John finally snorts a laugh. "Let's make a deal" he says, relaxing in his chair. "If this peace with the Resistance is successful, as well as the development of our relationship, I will tattoo you".  
A mischievous and sadistic smile opens on the face of the Baptist, the same smile that he did during their second meeting in the bunker.  
"I will do it personally..." John whispers, passing his eyes on the whole figure of Joshua.  
The deputy shivers, yet finds that captivating smile and a touch of excitement presses him on the penis. Fuck! He really has something wrong... but for the Father! The Baptist is sexy, especially with that expression.  
"Yes" Joshua finally says, turning John's sadistic smile into a sunny one. The deputy's heart sinks into a pleasant warmth, remembering another reason why he knows he loves him.  
They finish breakfast, both of them would soon go to the Whitetails to talk to Eli and his group.  
Joshua is washing the dishes, while John is absent to make some radio calls with the groups they have to meet in the mountains.  
The blonde is humming happily and then again the cat presses against his back, running his fingers over Joshua's arms and sensually whispering "Before we go we will have to take a shower...".  
John's skillful fingers open the shirt Joshua is wearing and then press on the skin "Sex in the early morning shower..." hums the Baptist placing small kisses on the deputy's neck "It is excellent for relaxing".  
The blonde is completely red in the face, compared to John still feels insecure about his sexual performance.  
The Baptist is undoing his pants when someone clears his throat.  
Jacob looks at them with a wrinkled forehead and twisting his mouth.  
John smiles mischievously "To see the real show, Jake, you had to come to the boathouse last night...".  
Joshua frees himself from the grip of the Baptist by adjusting his clothes and wanting to disappear into thin air. Jacob's killer gaze flickers several times between him and his little brother, staring at the deputy's groin with bared teeth.  
"What are you doing here?" John asks approaching the veteran.  
"I escort you to the outpost, in case the Whitetails play a bad shot and...".  
Joshua clears his throat attracting the attention of the two Seeds.  
"Do you mean something, vice?" Jacob asks with a mixture of reluctance and curiosity.  
Rook scratches his head nervously "It's just... I don't think that's a good idea".  
"If you think I'll leave my brother alone with you and those paranoid ones, then...".  
"It is precisely because he will be alone and with me that they will be inclined not to play a bad shot" Joshua points out looking Jacob in the eyes after interrupting him "If they see you it will be more difficult to open a dialogue with them. John doesn't have a good reputation with them, it's true, but you're the one who kidnapped and brainwashed their comrades".  
The veteran bites his lip "I won't put my brother's safety at risk...".  
"That can speak for himself" John intervenes "Joshua is right, besides I will be safe with him".  
“Do you really want to go alone? You don't want to take anyone with you other than the deputy and that dog? Consider taking a couple of our elect with you".  
"These are not the agreements with Eli" reasons John "And not respecting the agreements towards them is a bad idea, especially if we want to talk about peace".  
Jacob sighs rubbing his eyes, Joshua approaches the veteran determined placing a hand on his shoulder "I'll keep him safe" he says sincere and determined "At the cost of my life".  
The veteran nods grabbing him by the shirt and bringing their faces closer "It is better for you or there will be no hole where you can hide" he whispers with a cold anger in his voice.  
Joshua nods fearlessly from Jacob's threat "I wouldn't worry" he smiles thinking about what the Baptist said to him that same morning "They told me that, if John dies, I will be buried alive with him".  
Jacob lets him go looking at him with a raised eyebrow, but then laughs "If it happens, I will seal that grave".  
Now Joshua swallows the lump in his throat slightly frightened by the seriousness of the veteran who comes out of the kitchen with an evil smile.  
John is at his side studying his astonished face "Jacob likes you" smiles amused.  
"Honestly..." Joshua says shaking his head "Joseph still remains my favorite brother".

Apparently not all members of the Resistance were enthusiastic about the choices of their leaders.  
The meeting had gone well. John was fluid and concise, while Eli, despite some tension among his men, listened to everything by agreeing with the Baptist on their condition. Both seemed satisfied, the only thing to do was to inform the sheriff and Joseph of the results.  
And that's how their jeep had been stormed, apparently the people of the Resistance against a peace with Eden had joined together, with the intent to kill the Baptist and free Joshua from any brainwashing i Seed had subjected him.  
"It was all too good to be true..." comments Joshua.  
"What did you expect?" John replies "That we will all hold hands and then run towards sunset?".  
"No, but I thought people weren't so extremist".  
"Have you been the protagonist of a war so far and do you realize it only now?!".  
Both are behind a huge boulder, shooting in turn and covering themselves with enemy bullets, Boomer is among them waiting for any signal from his master.  
"Why doesn't Eden have this problem?" Joshua asks leaning over to shoot, while John reloads the gun.  
“We are human too, Joshua, and there have been faithful who were strongly opposed to peace with the Resistance. They all consider you sinners, just as these assholes who shoot at us all consider us crazy fanatics".  
Another exchange between Joshua shooting, while John reloads.  
"And what happened to these 'bad' faithful?".  
"Here is the difference between us and the resistance," explains John, while Joshua throws a grenade. "I expect such behavior, so Jacob and I have identified the most radicals and Joseph has dealt with they from the beginning".  
Joshua is surprised "You have been busy...".  
"Something that is better than your resistance" John comments and then they hear the explosion followed by screams.  
“Is that why you are a Baptist? To strut on you?".  
John smiles maliciously and the silence around them falls.  
Joshua nods to Boomer, who is keeping low and is also in the trees, to hunt for any survivors, while the two men pause to check their weapons and ammunition. Does the blonde realize how close they are, how warm John's skin is through the fabric, how does he is so hot? Instead Joshua has always been a chilly guy.  
The realization hits the vice, Jacob's words run over him and he realizes that he could lose John at any time, like now. A vacant bullet, a grenade thrown too close or a motolov...  
Joshua's hand grabs John's arm and slowly drops until their fingers are intertwined.  
The Baptist immediately understands the vice's thoughts.  
"I'm fine..." John whispers "I'm not injured", he puts a hand on his face approaching "Are you injured?".  
Joshua shakes his head resting his forehead on John's, they are so for a few seconds breathing each other's smell.  
When they detach, Boomer is watching them with huge eyes.  
Both caress him and then get up and leave their hiding place, but still with their weapons in hand. Joshua stands in front of John ready to protect him in case of need.  
"I am not a defenseless child" says the Baptist.  
"Before you were" the deputy smiles amused, knowing that the other will be rolling his eyes.  
Their attackers died or fled, fortunately they were not a large group.  
"Do you think there are others?" Joshua asks.  
"I do not know. You should confront the sheriff and the other members of the Resistance, see how many people in their ranks have rebelled or left the group".  
The deputy nods, unfortunately with the time he has been at the Joseph complex, he has not been able to keep up with everything that has happened. Maybe he could have shown these rebels his point of view, maybe...  
"Hey" John grabs his hand "It's not your fault, they made their choices".  
“But what if these actions affect our peace? A lot of people already think that you drugged or brainwashed me".  
John smiles mischievously "Believe me if I had brainwashed you your stupid jokes would have completely disappeared".  
This makes Joshua laugh. "I thought you loved my humor".  
"At first I found it irritating, now I tolerate it".  
The deputy brings a hand to his chest with a wounded face "Is this the truth John?" he says in a dramatic voice "After all this time?".  
"They are the basis for a serious relationship, nobody is perfect so each of us tolerates the irritating qualities of the other" John bites his lip as if he had said something he shouldn't have.  
"So..." Joshua smiles sweetly "Is ours a serious relationship?".  
John snorts, shaking his head and remaining silent.  
The deputy closes the distance between them and they exchange a deep kiss, then they leave and Joshua smiles again.  
"Do you know that after this information about my humor I will do nothing but tease you?".  
"Do you know that you have masochistic ways?".


	15. An important decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joshua is unsure of anything about the future except one thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone,  
> now we have almost reached the end of this journey.  
> I would like to tell you that this chapter is mostly soft and I'm not sure of the ending of this story, but in the end it seemed the most appropriate.  
> I would like to thank everyone who followed me on this adventure and I hope you enjoy the ending.  
> See you next week with the last chapter.  
> Enjoy the reading.

"It seems all right" Whitehorse reflects aloud, while looking the map "Eden and Resistance seem in harmony and the gunfights have ceased completely for 3 weeks".  
Joshua nods staring at the view from the prison, completely wrapped in his sweatshirt. Two months had passed since the start of the negotiations and by now the summer was over, it was certainly not yet time to wear sweatshirts, but Joshua has always hated the cold.  
He and John ran here and there throughout the county, sometimes together and sometimes separate, they agreed to meet in the evening at the ranch where their day was told, Joshua prepared food for both and then John washed the dishes. Sometimes he had sex, other times they just wanted to sleep hugged each other and Joshua loves to sleep with John, he was so hot. They had breakfast together and talked... talked a lot...  
There was some lunch with all the Seeds gathered on past Sundays and they had been surprisingly pleasant.  
Now Joshua was in prison taking stock of the situation, with the sheriff, and tighten his right arm. John would have finished the tattoo tonight, but there is another thought that does not leave his mind free, a thought in which he initially had doubts, but the more he thinks about it, the more convinced he is.  
"Rook...?" Whitehorse calls him "Are you listening to me?".  
"Uhhh..." the deputy shakes his head "What..? Oh yes. Yes, everything seems calm".  
The sheriff sighs, crossing his arms over his chest "What are you thinking about?".  
Joshua shrugs, you might as well confide in someone and Earl is perfect.  
"To John...".  
"Do you want to follow a confession?".  
"No..." Joshua now turns red in the face scratching his nervous neck "I would like to ask him to marry me".  
Earl looks surprised and watches the young deputy as he grabs a small dark box between the folds of his sweatshirt.  
Inside the box there is a black ring with silver decoration and a small blue sapphire in the center.  
Earl examines him curiously, the silver decorations are the same that John has in his coat. The ring is gorgeous and looks like it was made for him.  
"How did you do that?".  
Joshua rests the ring “I found the sapphire in one of Whitehorse's caves while investigating a missing expedition. The work on the metal did Sharky, it was really exceptional and he also thanked me saying that he had found another artistic form to use blowtorch”.  
"He did a really fantastic job" compliments Earl impressed by the arsonist's skill.  
Joshua runs his hands over his face "I am increasingly convinced that I want to marry him".  
"Don't you think it's a little early?" Earl reflects "After all, you've been together for just over two months".  
The deputy nods "I've been thinking about it for days yet, the more I'm with him and the more I'm sure I don't want to be anywhere else other than his side".  
Earl nods "It sounds very nice, but it takes time for these things, Rook".  
The blonde clenches his fists thinking of another reason "I want to marry him before the end...".  
The sheriff frowns "What do you mean?".  
Joshua breathes slowly trying to calm down and then looks Earl in the eye "I have the same dreams of Joseph on the collapse, since Jacob's sniper bullet pierced my back".  
The sheriff sighs rubbing his eyes "Have you seen the fire, like Joseph?".  
Joshua nods "We have compared our views and they are more or less the same". After these dreams, the Father and the deputy continued to supply the bunkers, even the smallest ones, for fear of the future.  
Earl leans against the table looking at the ceiling and muttering words with concern.  
"That's why I want to marry him, I want to marry him before it happens" Joshua finishes anxiously for the fate of all of them.  
"You're not a liar, Rook" Whitehorse finally says. "You're not a manipulator".  
Earl approaches him, they both look out of the windows to stare at the prison courtyard. "You have my blessing, son" he says sincerely putting a hand on his shoulder.  
"Have you decided how and when to make the proposal?".  
"In a few days I was thinking about the party that will take place between Eden and the Resistance".  
“It's a double-edged sword. On the one hand you will show that the two groups can coexist, demonstrate to the Resistance that the members of Eden are also human beings, but on the other hand they could turn up their noses. Especially because you are going to marry the Baptist".  
"I don't care," Joshua snorts. "I know what I'm doing and I love it".  
"I'm happy to hear you say, after all, whatever you do there will always be someone to criticize your choices".

John wipes the damp cloth over the newly finished tattoo and then applies the film to protect the still fresh ink.  
"I'm done" he says proudly of his work by looking up at Joshua. John was so focused on his job that he hadn't noticed that the deputy had fallen asleep, how the hell do you fall asleep while scratching your skin?!  
John caresses his face admiring his blond hair and beard, both freshly cut.  
"You never cease to surprise me..." he whispers and then lay Joshua on the sofa, taking off his shoes and spreading him coat over him. He puts a couple of logs in the burning fireplace to make it last all night.  
The Baptist sits on the carpet in front of the sofa taking off his boots and, immediately after, Rook's arms wrap around his shoulders. The deputy mutters something in his sleep, John holds a laugh and then grabs his book with a pen trying to finish his work with the numbers.

Joseph and Earl shook hands, as by agreement the weapons were not admitted to this 'party' and every person is here unarmed, they observe their leaders talking with the usual conciliation speeches.  
Earl and Joseph were talking and Joshua's nervous hand slipped into John's and found it reassuring.  
"I know some of you are still skeptical" says Earl to everyone present.  
"That there are still people who doubt the trust of the opposite faction" continues Joseph.  
"And that's why Deputy Joshua Logan, Rook for those who know him by this name, will do something to prove that each of us is human" Earl speaks.  
“Each of us has undergone many trials, traumas, difficulties. Our sins... and Deputy Logan will show us that love can be found in the most unthinkable places. Love for God and neighbor".  
John frowns completely unaware of Joshua's plans, the only ones who know of his intentions are Joseph and Earl.  
Rook approaches the two leaders, all eyes are now on him.  
"Good morning everyone" greets a little shy, hates being the center of attention. “For better or for worse all of you know me. We are comrades in arms, friends, enemies, acquaintances. I was a savior or a devil, but more than a confused man who ran from side to side. And I must apologize to all of you if I was so late in understanding how stupid and useless this war was".  
Joshua swallows trying to fight shyness "The thing that made me open my eyes is the fact that I fell in love".  
A sea of whispers rises around him surprising him, after all there are very few people who know about his relationship and even less the identity of the man he loves, Rook and John have been rather discreet and careful for fear of breaking the peace they were building.  
"I fell in love with this person" Joshua raises his voice silencing the chatter "No, he is not a woman and yes, he is a member of Eden's Gate".  
After a few seconds of pause, when all the spectators are silently astonished, Joshua continues to speak. “I had the opportunity to know him through other eyes and I understood that I had been in love with him from the beginning. It was not easy, because we were in the midst of a war and what was a crush on me as a teenager, for him could have been an opportunity to capture or manipulate me, but it did not happen. We still have a long way to go, but from what I have learned so far is that there is no one else I want to be with and nowhere else but his side".  
Throughout the speech John was with his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes fixed on Joshua watching the crowd a little here and there, until his eyes stop in those of the Baptist and pulls something out of his pocket.  
"I want to spend the rest of my life with you..." he takes two steps towards the man he loves and then kneels and opens the boxes "Will you marry me, John Seed?".  
Surprised and shocked noises rise from the crowd, while John stares at the blonde on his knees. Petroleum green eyes full of love and hope, the most beautiful ring he had ever seen shines in the sunlight. John's arms fall to his side and his mouth remains open in a shocked expression...  
The crowd around them seems about to explode, but Earl and Joseph with a single glance and a few gestures calm the waters.  
"John..." calls Joshua realizing the long silence and stillness of the Baptist.  
"John? Johnny...? " calls to laugh then "Joseph I think I broke it!".  
Many people snort a laugh and Joshua stands up grabbing the Baptist's wrists.  
"Hey..." he says softly, he also speaks to show everyone present that what they have is real, it is not a play. "You don't have to decide now...".  
The touch unlocks John who breathes deeply "You never stop surprising me...".  
They exchange a deep kiss and then the Baptist grabs the ring by putting it on his finger.  
"I will always say yes to you" he says, taking his face in his hands and kissing and hugging again.  
The crowd makes various noises between disbelief or disgust and between wonder and shock.

The party starts with music, drinks and food. Joshua chats with everyone here and of course, obviously not all his companions are enthusiastic about his choice of life, but they are happy if he is happy and confident in his actions.  
Jacob looks at him crookedly and then squeezes his shoulder.  
"Take care of my brother's heart" he whispers approving their union, but on a slightly threatening note.  
"Always" he replies without hesitation.  
Then the music goes to a slow dance, the vice and the Baptist dance together embraced one another and both do not stop smiling or hugging each other.  
Jacob and Joseph are in a corner watching them.  
"I've never seen him so happy" the veteran comments thoughtfully, observing John laughing at something Joshua said and then resting his head on the blonde's shoulder, the deputy strokes his hair smiling and continuing to say something that makes his laugh fiance.

"So what do you think?" asks the blond.  
"Yes, let's do it" John says, pulling away from Joshua's grip.  
"I think of Tracey and you of Rachel" suggests the Baptist.  
They exchange a quick kiss and then part with a goal in mind.  
Faith is talking to children weaving flowers to make fantastic crowns.  
"Faith!" Joshua happily smiles at her sitting down next to her.  
"Josh" smiles back "Congratulations on your engagement, I'm happy for you."  
"Thank you," he says to then take some flowers and start making a crowns.  
"When are you going to organize the wedding?".  
"As soon as possible" he replies sincerely.  
"Josh, are you convinced? I know John is not an easy guy".  
"I don't want an easy guy" Joshua replies without hesitation. "I want John, he's perfect for me. I am well with him and there is a part of our Boy Blue that I have known these days and I understood that he only wanted someone who taught him to love... someone to wake up with in the morning... ".  
"What you said is very sweet".  
"And besides, I wanted a stove that would keep me warm on cold nights".  
Faith laughs.  
"I'm serious" Joshua smiles. "John is a living stove".  
Both laugh, then fall into a pleasant silence.  
Joshua has finished her first crown, it has come out a little crooked compared to Faith's... or to the children's... ok! It's really terrible, but it's putng your heart! Isn't that what matters? Better forget it...  
Begins to weave a second crown.  
"So how's it going between you and Tracey?" in the end he asks.  
Faith's hands are shaking a little "I would say well, we talked a lot on the radio and things are improving".  
"I'm glad to hear that".  
"That's why you're here, isn't it?"  
"Maybe...".  
Faith sighs "It's complicated for us, Josh, me and Tracey are childhood friends and we felt betrayed by each other's lifestyle choices".  
"But things have changed, things are changing".  
"Yes" admits Faith.  
"And that's why you should talk to her" Joshua tells her, nodding to Tracey who is in a corner talking to John.  
"You agreed, didn't you? You and Boy Blue?".  
“Sure and John told you how harassing I can be? So you will know that I will not stop tormenting you until you lift your beautiful ass and go to her".  
Faith rolls her eyes "Okay" she agrees in a tone that uses a mother to make a child happy.

"Let me see!" Tracey yells taking his hand to examine the black and blue ring.  
John laughs leaning on the fence, while his friend examines every inch of the ring.  
"God... it's made just for you" Tracey comments, patting him on the shoulder. "How are you? We all noticed that you remained as still as a statue".  
John smiles looking at the sky "I am the last person who thought to get someone's heart, let alone that of his enemy".  
"The truth is that you marry him for his cooking".  
"That's a very good reason" John does not deny.  
"I know that look" also Tracey leans on the fence "You are convincing yourself that Joshua deserves someone better".  
“You know that Rook is impulsive, we have been together for just over two months and now he wants us to get married! What are we in the Middle Ages?! Not only can we not have children anyway, since we are male, but why so much haste?!”.  
Tracey puts a hand on his chest "Calm down, Boy Blue" says authoritarian "I know of your doubts, I know that Rook is an impulsive type, but he knows what he wants".  
John takes a deep breath calming down.  
"John..." Tracey softly calls him "For once, honestly answer this question by counting only your happiness. What do you want?".  
The Baptist's eyes immediately go to Joshua, he is talking to Faith.  
"I want Joshua" he replies without stopping to look at him "I want to continue scolding him for his jokes. I want to hold it in the evening, while we stare at the fireplace and tell ourselves about our day. I will never be satisfied with his cooking and his lips behind my neck when I wash the dishes. I want everything… ”John sighs feeling better, he hadn't noticed the tension and anxiety in his chest until he confided in Tracey. She really is a good friend.  
Tracey smiles proudly of his admission and pats him on the head like a kitten “Bravo, Johnny. Was it so difficult?".  
"You're terrible".  
"That's why you love me".  
"Can I ask you something?".  
"I won't go to Faith to ask her to dance".  
"She will come to you...".  
"What!?".  
"Do you want to be my witness?" John changes the subject with a big smile.  
"What...?".  
"Do you want to be my witness?".  
Tracey looks at him with his mouth open "Why... do you want me to...?".  
"I've never had real friends" John tells him honestly. "You, Kim and Nick are the only people who put up with me".  
"Because we managed to look beyond the masks of the Baptist and the lawyer" Tracey smiles at him "And you're not bad, Boy Blue".  
"Thanks Tracey..." he says to her "So, what do you say?".  
"It would be an honor to be your witness".  
John squeezes her shoulder thanking her again and then the couple of friends is interrupted by the arrival of Faith.  
"Hey Tracey..." greets her shyly.  
The young woman freezes completely changing her attitude, from the usual aggressive cougar she becomes a chick that falls awkwardly on her legs.  
"Rachel... hi..." he says with a mixture of coldness and shyness.  
"It's a beautiful party" smiles solar Faith observing the behavior of her friend "Do you want to dance?".  
Tracey opens her eyes wide in surprise and watches John look at them with a neutral face.  
Eventually the young woman sighs grabbing Faith's hand "Okay".  
The two girls join the dances, John and Joshua exchange a knowing look, but then an arm wraps the Baptist's shoulders.  
Nick kisses him near the ear to annoy him "Congratulations, Johnny".  
"Thanks, Nicky" smiles at him in return for the pilot's surprise gesture.  
Nick jumps back touching his ear "Did you put your tongue there?!".  
"No..." John makes the vague "Only the lips" smiles mischievously.  
"You are just childish".  
"Look who's talking".  
The two men stare at each other and then burst out laughing and hugging each other.  
"I'm really happy for you" Nick tells him honestly "Rook is a good man and you deserve the best".  
"You have already decided" Nick changes topic a little embarrassed "Have you already decided the witnesses...?".  
John smiles leaning on the fence "I asked Tracey, but one more is missing... any advice?".  
Nick's eyes light up and he's about to speak when John anticipates him.  
"Maybe I should ask Jacob".  
Nick's mouth twitches "Yes..." can't hide his disappointment "After all, he's your brother...".  
John smiles mischievously "Nick, do you want to be my witness?".  
"Yes" he says in an enthusiastic breath "I'd like to".

Joshua struggles to fix the last wreath, it would be easier if the children didn't laugh at him for his clumsiness in manual labor. He wonders how it was possible that he hadn't blown up when making hand grenades. Do he thinks that, perhaps, it is an ace with everything that explodes and the opposite with what needs to be built.  
He makes a victory noise the moment John sits next to him bringing him a cup of hot chocolate.  
"You are my savior" places the ugly wreath on the head of her future husband and then takes a long sip of her drink.  
"These crowns are..." John looks for the right words "Cute... who made them?" he asks the children.  
The small spies indicate Rook who is about to choke on hot chocolate.  
"I made them with love, okay!" Joshua justifies himself "Isn't that what matters?!".  
Everyone apresent laughs and John shakes his hand "Craftsmanship is not for you, you are better at cooking and destroying things".  
"Nobody is perfect..." Joshua smiles "And then I know you get married for my kitchen".  
"Absolutely true" John agrees, then runs his fingers over the blonde's right arm, slowly raises the sleeve of his shirt to detect his tattoo. From the wrist to the elbow there is a blue and silver plane drawn that seems to ride waves of fire and water, scattered here and there the symbol of Eden.  
The children stop their work looking at the tattoo with wide eyes.  
"It's gorgeous" Joshua leans on John's side and takes his hand.  
John intertwines their fingers together "The plane riding the storm".  
"Wait... would I be the storm and you would be the plane?".  
"Did you understand it all by yourself?".  
"More than anything else if I take it as a philosophical image of our relationship or strongly sexual".  
John sighs running his hand over his eyes.  
Rook kisses him on the cheek "Thanks, John...".  
"For the philosophical or sexual tattoo?".  
"For giving me back a family" he confesses sincerely.  
John frowns.  
"I had forgotten how much I missed having a family, being part of something".  
John smiles "Thanks to you, for making me the happiest man in the County".  
They spend a few minutes in silence observing the party around them and feeling a sense of peace.  
"Josh..." John bites his lip undecided whether to ask "Your father... is he still in prison?".  
A painful expression appears on the face of the vice who holds the Baptist's hand tightly.  
"He committed suicide in prison a few months after his arrest".  
John's expression is completely upset "Josh... I don't...".  
“Sooner or later we will have talked about it. I cried for him, but for the man who was before the fire that destroyed our lives. And, perhaps, his darkness is also my fault, I didn't realize how much he suffered, I thought about my selfishness without realizing how suffering had changed him".  
Joshua realizes that he is crying as John's thumbs brush away the tears.  
“I can't tell you if what he's done is right or wrong and nobody should afford to judge him. But I can tell you that I am proud of you, you have managed to overcome your mourning and your trauma "the Baptist tells him sincerely" And I am proud of what you have done for yourself, you have become a vice from the irritating humor that took care of a whiny baby and, despite the tests you have faced, you have achieved all this "concludes John pointing to the people around them.  
Joshua sinks his face into John's chest.  
"I love you..." Joshua whispers feeling comforted.  
"I love you" John repeats with a loving smile on his face and stroking his blond hair.  
"John?".  
"Yes...?".  
"You said a bullshit".  
"Would be?".  
"I am the whining baby!".  
They both burst out laughing and the anguish is cleared from their minds.  
"Listen..." Joshua proposes, breaking away from the embrace "Are we getting married in the church of Fall's End? As a point of agreement between Eden and the Resistance".  
"I agree, but it must be Joseph who does it".  
"I'll talk to Jerome about it".


	16. The definitive 'Yes'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the end of this story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone,  
> finally we have come to the end of this adventure, I hope you enjoyed it. I'm not entirely satisfied with the ending and I apologize for any mistakes or if the characters should have been OOC.  
> Thanks to all of you for reading my story ❤

Joshua is completely terrified, he looks in the mirror several times by arranging his sleeves. He wears a petrol green suit like his eyes, with a golden yellow shirt.  
Joshua is in prison and is surprised that Earl was hiding this beautiful suit who knows where.  
Tracey comes up behind her with a gorgeous purple dress and elegantly gathered hair.  
"You're gorgeous" she says, adjusting his jacket on his shoulder.  
"You are very feminine" Joshua jokes, receiving a playful punch on the arm by the young woman.  
"Do you feel ready?".  
"No and yes..." Joshua says completely confused "I am terrified and, at the same time, impatient".  
"Love is a real trip, especially if you are going to marry a crazy with a sexy ass".  
"Or if you got back together with a crazy religious woman with nice tits".  
Tracey pats him on the back "We're both fucked".

When Joshua comes to church, most of the guests are already here.  
All his friends embrace him and some of them tell him several times that he still has time to change his mind. He replies that he wouldn't want to be anywhere else except here.  
Her wedding witnesses are Kim and Earl.  
Joseph is already at the altar, he and Jerome have made a pact to make him celebrate mass here: decoration of Eden reduced to a minimum and no speech about the end of the world, the Father only had to do a classic wedding ceremony.  
"Josua" greets him Joseph, the preacher is dressed in a simple and elegant black and white suit.  
"Good morning..." the deputy replies timidly, the Father always puts him in awe, despite now having known all the Seed quite well.  
The preacher gives a sunny smile "Do not be afraid, today you officially enter our family".  
Joshua swallows the lump in his throat, said these words by Joseph it seems that the deputy is about to face a final exam.  
Joseph seems amused by Joshua's reaction. "Jake is right" he says, continuing to smile. "You really look like a lemur".  
Joshua's mouth opens wide, it was the strangest thing the Father had ever said to him and, even stranger, the joke is making everyone present laugh. This reaction gives even more weight to the comparison between Rook and the African animal.  
Joshua is about to protest when Faith rushes in and gestures for everyone to go to her seat.  
The deputy breathes deeply feeling nervous again, Joseph pats him lightly on the shoulder in a reassuring way, and then takes his place at the altar.  
Music spreads throughout the church followed by Faith's splendid voice, the song Amazing Grace fills the church when two figures enter the building.  
Joshua's breath remains in his throat as the last two Seeds enter. Jacob wears the military uniform and is well shaved and combed making his appearance elegant and serious.  
John wears a beautiful blue and black suit that slims his body, beard and shorter and tidier hair giving it a sharp and charming look.  
Joshua's heart sinks into his chest as the two Seed come closer, Jacob holds John's arm tight accompanying him to the altar, but his grip loosens as they get closer. Finally he lets go of his brother giving a warning glance to Joshua who makes him swallow the lump in his throat, while he grabs the Baptist's hand.  
John laughs at the interaction of the two men, shaking their heads and rolling their eyes. This gesture makes Joshua relax and smile.  
The ceremony begins, Joseph's voice is calm and loud, it reaches the ears of every church occupant.  
The two men exchange the rings and Joshua looks in amazement at the ring that John offers him: it is thin and made of gold with three tiny emeralds set inside.  
The ceremony is quiet and there is some peace within the church, a peace that the inhabitants of Hope County did not think they would get back.  
Joshua from being nervous becomes relaxed and does not stop smiling, he cannot believe that he is going to marry this man. And from John's expression, the thought is mutual.  
"I declare you husband and husband" concludes Joseph "You can kiss, now united, under the eyes of God and all of us".  
The lips of the two men are about to touch, when a sound extraneous to the ceremony makes the hearts of all present stop.  
The sound of sirens invades the whole county and panic invades the church.  
It was happening... Collapse was happening... Joseph was right...  
"Stand still!" Joshua scream holding John's hands, his authoritarian voice freezes everyone on the spot.  
"We have about two hours before the bombs fall on us, so do not panic and slowly go out of the church heading to the shelters and making sure that all your loved ones are safe" he instructs clearly and concisely, then raises a hand "But first, one more thing".  
He quickly grab John by the shoulders and kiss him passionately.  
The Baptist is surprised by this gesture, but then he lets himself go grabbing the blonde's face and deepening the kiss.  
They detach themselves to catch their breath with all those present who stare at them anxious and annoyed by the wait.  
"Now you can go" smiles Joshua.  
People start going out and Joshua laughs ironically.  
"Do you know the strange thing, Johnny?".  
The Baptist frowns at him.  
"The last thing my father told me was that the world would end the day I married a man".  
John opens his mouth slightly surprised, but then smiles "I bet you made this world end on purpose, to spite your father".  
"How do you know me well..." comments the deputy giving another kiss to her husband.  
Joseph, Jacob and Faith disperse to give instructions and then head to their bunkers with radios in hand.  
John greets each of his brothers with a hug and visible anxiety on the face.  
Earl and the major leaders of the Resistance do the same, Tracey does not intend to leave Rachel and, after greeting everyone, the girls leave together.  
John and Joshua are left behind with Kim, Nick and little Carmina.  
They make sure everyone leaves Fall's End to stay safe. Fortunately, the wedding made it possible for most of the County's inhabitants to gather here.  
Eventually all five reach the car and then head to John's bunker. During the journey they scan every home they see from the street in case there is still someone.  
When they arrive at the bunker doors, they leave the car behind.  
"Brother John" one of the faithful welcomes them "It seems that you are the last".  
"How long do we have?".  
"About twenty minutes".  
John nods and gestures to the Rye to come in. "Joshua and I stay here to check if anyone else comes along".  
Nick squeezes John's shoulder and nods to the deputy, the two spouses are alone in front of the large metal and concrete door.  
They silently stare at the horizon and, unconsciously, their hands look for each other and shake.  
"You are scared?" John asks.  
"No, because you are here with me".  
The Baptist snorts a laugh "So sweet today...".  
"If you want, I start to spite you".  
"God, no. I will already have to endure you for seven years underground".  
John makes a sad expression and shakes Joshua's hand harder "I had a fantastic honeymoon planned".  
Rook approaches him kissing his cheek "We will have a fantastic one here too".  
"I don't think so, I wanted to take you with the Affirmation to the sea".  
“You're lucky, I had several large posters of various landscapes brought to our room. You will not spend anything on gasoline and money by visiting the whole world and you will exercise your imagination".  
John grabs his face "God sent you here for us to save us".  
"No" Joshua tells him honestly "You saved me, Little Blue".  
The two men kiss and the red-orange glow appears on the horizon.


End file.
